There Would Never Be Another Time

A few months ago, I decided never to go all out for people again.  I told myself, I would only like and love those who love me. I had gotten to a point where I felt there was no need to tolerate people I could not tolerate.

I got home this evening from church and Alice told me  I was going to be embarassed after hearing what she had to tell me. Then, she broke the news to me. My girlfriend had passed away. I broke down in tears asking God for forgiveness. Sometime ago, my friend sent  a text asking me to buy her airtime.  I bought the Vodafone airtime and sent it to her, awaiting her text acknowledging receipt. It never came. I had to be the one to call her wanting to find out. I have sent people airtime who failed to acknowledge receipt.  Yet we have continued our friendship beautifully. Why was this such a big deal?

I told a friend and she reiterated the fact that she did not like bush people who could not say a simple thank you. My sister and I discussed this as well and then I thought I would ignore her. Awaiting a time she would request for airtime from me again. Unfortunately, there would never be such a time again. Thus Alice's comment.

I was beginning to wonder why  some people never said thank you. Why some people pester you so much for a favour, yet never bother to say thank you when its done.

Tonight,  I was rude to someone who didn't deserve it at all. Sincerely he had done nothing to me and had been extremely nice. I was rude because of what people around would say. I'm thinking, if something happened to this person, I would feel super bad like I'm feeling shitty tonight about my friend's death.

Sometimes, we treat people based on emotions.  At other times,  based on our previous experiences. Why couldn't I just overlook the fault of my friend?  Did I have to wait till now to cry and beg God for forgiveness?  What happened to celebrating people?  Why did I have to be rude to someone's son based on what people had said? Why can't we just love people blindly and unconditionally? Why can't we forgive and move on?

Its depressing to know that I could not check on my friend till she passed away. I'm sure I would have been  the first person she would have  told when she fell ill suddenly. I'm just thinking there would never be another time.   I just learned my lesson but the very hard way. I won't ever be rude and  treat people badly just because someone mistreated me. God help me.

For all the times we spent together.
For the laughter and the joy ...
I know you so wanted this dream to come true badly
I'm sorry for what happened
I wish you were still here so I could
just apologise for ignoring you .
I wish you were here so
I would buy you more airtime
I miss you sister.
Rest well my friend.

Making lots of mistakes. Shows how devastated I am.