Sometimes we don't see the gold in people. All we see is how ordinary they are. Until years down the line when they become somebody.
I know that guy. He wanted me, he wanted me to be his wife.Yet, I chose Jude over him because he suited my purpose better.He had it all together. Pastor also said he would make me a good husband.
Jude and I spoke the same language. Jerry was from the North.Jude had been there all through, he had been together for 4years.He had supported me every step of the way. I felt like I owed him my life, I was better of settling for something I knew I didn't want.
I would get used to it, used to being called his wife, I would learn to love him. I quenched the fire that was burning in me, the fire that Jerry had lit up in me, I couldn't tell him how I felt. He made me feel like a goddess, the sun goddess, goddess too much, I didn't know him in ways I had known Jude, I just knew he was my dream man. He became an enigma, and would remain so forever.
Yet I chose Jude to walk down the aisle with, to be the father of my children, my partner. I'll learn to love him- I settled. I settled to avoid having to explain to my parents why I didn't want to be with Jerry. They would be disappointed, everyone said we looked good together but I knew I was settling, I knew this was not what I wanted, I knew that this step had to be forever together yet I did not want to disappoint anyone. Jude would throw tantrums, he would call me an ingrate so I chose to be someone who would be grateful forever instead. I traded my happiness to settle with a man who lit no fire in me except that I had to be grateful and marry him for making him wait 4years for me.
I cried nights. I tried to be a good wife, very hard. When I saw other men, I wish I had them in Jude. Oh Jerry, I could see the disappointment in his eyes when I showed him my wedding invite. I couldn't tell him, I had decided to settle.
I cheated on Jude and would cheat again if he had not gone to sleep in a box. Jude did not treat me like the lady I was. He barely opened the door for me or hold out the chair for me to get seated. Jude didn't notice when my boobs were full and heavy, neither could he count the number of pimples that had added up to the existing ones. He barely noticed my new nail polish.
Jude was a good man but Jerry paid attention to detail. Perhaps because he was really into me. Because he was not my forever to be with, I settled and as I stood beside his grave, I wept not because he was gone. My tears were for all the times I could have walked away and broken his heart to avoid having him break mine now.
I could have explained to my Pastor and Parents that I didn't want to walk this mile with Jude. I wasn't sure of Jerry at the time. The devil I knew seemed better than the angel-what if he didn't want to marry me. I was 33, and was running out of time, or so I thought. They were tears for me and the mistakes I had made with my marriage. They were tears for me that said, Jerry was one of the youngest Ministers in our country at 35, he was never a politician, but look where he's reached. He looked so happy with his wife, they were tears of regret. My heart was broken, that kind of heartbreak that I had never experienced before. Jude, Jude, so you brought me thus far to have me watch you depart in a box.
Too many people have their fantasies of what their ideal marriage should be. Lately, some married people have resorted to advising single people to stay single due to their bad experiences. But, leave people to make their own mistakes, the fact that you weren't lucky doesn't mean someone else would be unlucky.
To the singles who want to get married- Sometimes we decide to settle due to circumstances, make sure what you're settling for is worth it in the end. You don't have to marry someone to please your Pastor or family. You don't have to marry someone out of pity or gratitude, you'll cheat and be miserable for life. You don't have to marry someone based on prophecies.
Marry for the right reasons. Marry because you're convinced that's God's purpose for your life.
Marry someone who fits into your purpose as a child of God, marry because you can afford to look at them and not think of cheating on them because they are the total package, look beyond today and next year, at the larger picture. Choose wisely the mother or father of your children. Choose life, choose sunshine, choose happiness, don't settle, you'll be miserable!
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