Are you counting the stars?

Tonight reminds me of my Aunty Mercy, of blessed memory. When Aunty woke up daily,  beside feeding and nurturing her soul, taking care of her body was top on the list of to do things.

She would quickly take a shower, dress up and make up and just sit and wait for her hubby. If make up and looking good were the things that kept a man at home,  then my Aunty did not slack at all....

Aunty Mercy and I, when we were in Legon together, would be all dolled up looking  like one of my peers, it was a delight to hear my friends say 'look at your Aunty' when we passed by Volta Hall or bumped into her each time.

  Aunty lived her life with a disease that would send her to an early grave just like it did to most people.

Her hubby knew she wouldn't last as doctors had told him. I'm wondering if Aunty knew because even if she did, dolling up to keep her hubby at home  was more of a priority. She lived a day at a time. She was happy and enjoyed her life till she was called to rest.

Lately, people allow all the troubles of this world to eat them up, they forget to live. Some people brood over life's uncertainties so much they lose their sense of humour, self worth and beauty.  People simply forget to live because of that one baggage they carry. Yet people who have been condemned to death and are just waiting to die, are living and putting their best into each day.

Life is war, life is how you make it, oh yes. But why do we have to worry so much, grieve so much and forget to live? Condemned to death and awaiting death, my Aunty Mercy still lived each day like a party day.

What are you doing through your challenging times?  Are you counting the stars lighting up your dark world? Are you overwhelmed by the darkness, you forget to view the little stars?

As 2018 draws to a close, let's learn not to allow that baggage to weigh us down and  suck the sweetness out of us, that we stop living. Your baggage isn't bigger than your God. Lighten up!

With fond memories of my Aunty Mercy Agra.
Merry Christmas dearies!

Lessons from December

My car went missing for a couple of days and I wasn't talking about it much. Nothing changed, life had to go on, so I still would talk and laugh and chat and not show a sign or say a word.
This week taught me a few lessons I would like to share with you. Call them lessons from December.

I have grown to become a really private person. You can't know what I'm up to in real life through social media. I don't ply my trade there, I don't judge people who do either, they have their reasons. I realise modesty makes people disbelieve the excess love of God. It is shocking, it is pricking, it makes you unable to  comprehend God's ways.

Never take your dreams for granted. I have reached that point where I can boldly say God is real and he does speak to his children. Dispute it or not, heaven is so real and so is hell. God's love is more real than human beings perceive it to be. And God does speak to his children. I worry when I don't remember my dreams, and then all of a sudden I live that dream. God speaks to his children in various ways, dreams are one of such mediums.  You may not clearly understand it, but understanding it needs a special kind of grace too. Too often, dreamers take their dreams for granted.

Don't trust people too much.
The bible says cursed is a man who puts his trust in another man. Men will disappoint you,  your pastor can disappoint you, your wife can disappoint you, your children can disappoint you. Realise and learn how much to trust people. The people who can bite are only those close to you and not strangers.

Listen to yourself. Intuition,  intuition. If you don't feel right about it, then it isn't right but that is a skill you need to learn as well.  If you claim to be a child of God, let that light in you radiate and draw others to Christ instead of becoming the basis for which people judge Christendom or decide not to serve God again.

As the yuletide season draws near, may someone see the life you live and want to serve the God you serve too.

I know writing on here, has become more of a difficult task instead of something I do to unwind. My life has been crazy. My life is in complete slavery to the.... It gets crazy I prefer to sleep instead of writing but I'll use these few days to write some more, hopefully. Glad tidings!

Photo Source : Google photos

GONE WITH THE WIND!

My memory fails me
I'm wondering why it can't remember you
Perhaps because it recalls no good memories of you.
Gone with the wind...
You are gone with the wind.

Today my memory asked of you,
When I saw a similar picture of us together.
But it didn't spark any memories of us.
Then I knew you were indeed gone,
Gone with the wind,
You are gone with the wind.

My memory doesn't ask of you anymore,
It doesn't and I expected it to be sad but no,
It made me neither sad nor happy.
A confirmation of your being gone.
It brought no tears to my eyes
A confirmation that you are gone
Gone with the wind....
With no memories of you!

This is what happens when you sit alone to have a drink on a Friday night at ......, your muse shows up and you write and write....😃

....and the people who like to read stuff and read meaning into everything, please it's just poetry, thank you!

Photo source: Google Photos

Sickly Women: 'Melinda of Acrimony'

I do not empathise with Melinda in Tyler Perry's 'Acrimony' one bit, a stance that I'm sure will start a discussion  among feminists. Robert was no good guy either but he isn't my problem. My concern is the giver/ receiver... Who was waiting for milk and honey to flow some day hence helped build the success story. Well, she did well but if what you are receiving isn't worth it, what do you do after trying loads of times? You flee.

It is also always better to make your own decisions though friends and family can help you reach it they should not be the ones to dictate to you.

I'm a woman and people will expect me to empathise with one of my own but I'll tell you why I'm not going to be on Melinda in Acrimony's side.

You don't attract sympathy, when you choose not to look out for yourself first before others. You don't love you, and expect people to love you, really?

She wasn't a bad chick at all, she was just a woman in love with a man who gave her good sex and her love for him drained her. She was also a bit sick in the head and it's unfortunate no one around her noticed and pushed her to get help.

You find out your man has cheated on you, two options lay before you: dump him and move on or stay and work things out - whichever way. You don't attempt a mini suicide in the process of trying to harm him. (That was when he should have left her life for good. After she got discharged from the hospital or even realised she was nuts for  attempting to kill herself whether deliberately or unintentionally  because she caught him with another girl).

How do you work two jobs and have your man stay in bed all day? Why, are you made of metal? No he didn't force you, you chose to take care of him.

In the end he moves on, only because you chose to divorce him and you want to kill yourself?  I realise men move on faster than women. Did Melinda not know this?

How does a woman not look out for herself first?
Melinda did not value herself, she was pretty when younger and looked sad while all grown up.

She lost her friendship with her sisters at a point. Your sisters are people you live with for life, who can change their blood relation?  How do you get married without having them present on the most important day of your life? You had two options. Work with your man to make them accept your choice or make your sisters understand why it has to be him.

And her sisters, never pushed her to get help. Or was Melinda ignorant of how cold men can be, to the point she thought she could love her man, before loving herself?

Watching Melinda pisses me off. ..
A bad example for women who choose to help men build their success stories.

And she isn't the only sickly, ignorant or stuck in love woman. There are several of them out there. We need to move away from putting a man before you and love yourself enough to walk away. Walk away with some pride and dignity .
Stop working your ass off for a man who does not value it. Only a few of them will stay loyal to you. Get help if you are going nuts but if you decide to be all that to a man, 'sister' it's a choice make sure you don't lose yourself.

We are tired of this drama with women trying to emulate Jesus and giving their all only to get hurt. If you are doing it, good job but sister don't get sick in the process, don't lose yourself. I find planning a revenge and actually seeing it through sickly and a waste of time.

The best revenge in my opinion is moving on and turning your scars into stars. Melinda was obsessed with getting back at the man, she lost herself. Most often the people you plan to revenge against do not think of you. Robert was moving on with his life wasn't he?

What's annoying about Melinda is she lost herself: lost her sweetness, lost her beauty, lost her sanity, I think she lost her life ...I won't say more.

Love is supposed to bring out the best in you or even push you to become better. She wasn't getting any of that from him, so why was she still holding on?

Photo Source: Google Photos

What being on a bed can make you do. Make you see the ugly in a movie you watched countless times before now...

What I Didn't Know About Being The Only Woman!

I have heard women talk about working in male dominated professions but it never for once occurred to me that I would find myself working in an all male dominated team some day. Even before I joined the team, I was told this would be the first time a female joins the team since its inception..well. My zeal  was what stood out for me and so I did not think about how I would fare among the guys.

It didn't seem a big deal working among males as I fitted in as best as I could getting used to male conversations from soccer to girls. Initially they would talk in awe of a female presence and then gradually,  the fences broke down and the female presence became another of the boys when they had to talk. I honestly did not see anything wrong with it, my presence did not have to change the tone of their conversation.

Sometimes their arguments got so loud it attracted people from other offices who often thought there was something serious going on until they came to find a group of men either arguing over soccer, politics or something and they would find me sitting there and give me the 'are you okay?' look and  I would smile and then they would shut the door and go away.

When I found the topic interesting I would chip in a word or two if not I put my earpiece on and listened to something else or would just concentrate on trying to be busy on my laptop or tablet without paying attention to them.

Being the only female has its positives and it has further  built up my tolerance level. The men noticed each new hairstyle, my outfit and how I even chose to package my boobs. I would hear comments like " Challe you hip your boobs today paa ohhh' and then I would respond saying " I sh3da paa." That would make them smile and that was it.

I remember when I decided to try wigcaps for the first time. My first pick, my mum's short hair. The teasing was funny and annoying. " Challe today, you look like a headmistress." For once I got home and decided the following day not to repeat the same wigcap. I ended up trying on a longer one and that they said looked really cool but not without teasing me about how their teasing me the previous day helped in informing my decision not to repeat the headmistress' wigcap.

Gradually they got used to my short skirts and skinny trousers which they initially said was an attempt by me to harass them. The word harassment gained a new meaning all of a sudden. If I stood up and decided to lean against the table, it was harassment...lol. If I walked past any of them and my skin or ass touched any of them unintentionally it was still harassment -sex appeal must obviously be the new definition for harassment.

Eating my favourite empty meal of  roasted plantain with peanuts with the guys was funny - headmistress showed up where she got the best part. Hanging out with them outside the office was fun, I got to be headmistress for a few hours...

I got used to being teased for always eating cornflakes or oats with an omelette and cookies instead of bread and not being  bothered to remind them that I do not eat bread. Then came the feeding bottle. I don't know when a water bottle became a feeding bottle but they claimed it looked like a feeding bottle, so I got used to drinking water from a feeding bottle.

Well, no denying I have enjoyed the attention. From being called headmistress to Mamaga meaning queen mother. Headmistress because I'm told I try to be domineering by asking everyone to keep quiet regardless of who was around from another office because I have to proofread a story.

Woe unto me if I had acne and I would be reminded of how I'm having too much sex. And if I was under the weather I would be given a brief on the benefits of sex and how I lacked sex hence my illness. So contradicting.

I got used to hearing how every man in the building was my husband and how I was such a flirt who drew guys to our office - the ones who only came to say goodmorning to me.

Didn't think my ass was a big deal but men have a way of constantly reminding you of how you have a nice ass and thighs. How being quiet the whole day can be misconstrued as something is amiss with me - like  my sugar daddy refused to give me cash. Can't a sister just be quiet for a day or when I don't want to talk.....

I've enjoyed having a host of bodyguards and being teased about the guy who drives the Range Rover being my main boyfriend and the other my sugar daddy. Then there's the snooping on me bit. So I'm in that Range and I see one of the guys watching me...that day would be disastrous.  I would get teased till I couldn't talk.

What I didn't know was I would not function properly if I continued to just enjoy the attention.  I would not be given too much pressure because I was considered a woman. I wasn't delegated to do stuff in the heat of the moment when there was a breaking news because I'm a woman unless there was no one available. But I wanted to be noted for being the woman who was efficient at her job and not the woman who oozed sex appeal. I needed the guys to stop dulling my shine and making me lazy and comfortable instead of challenging me. I realised that would never be if I kept waiting I decided to take my own initiative a few weeks after settling in. Else I would never grow. How come no one told me before this whole thing  began? Women in male dominated teams will end up not doing so much if they accepted being relegated to the 'you are vulnerable hole.'

I've been wondering if women in other male dominated fields go through that cycle where their male counterparts feel they are vulnerable so try not to burden them with too much work.

Dear woman, if you don't stand up and teach them to treat you as a colleague in the initial stages and not a vulnerable person, you'll grow lazy and not be able to hone your skills or further add to your skillset. You will marry and have children and be just another team member but not the only female, efficient and smart, up to the task.

Days on, it became obvious, I was not hired because of my beauty for this is no beauty pageant, I was hired to do the job. The praises would come and the  'why did you fly the story with that headline, there's a mistake in it.... Elly are you sure you read the story?' challenging moments will follow but that's how you grow - growth is a vital part on this journey dear woman.

I probably didn't even know I didn't show emotions until now. When I argue and fight hard with them, the next moment I'm chatting and laughing with them and I get to hear I'm not the typical female.  The type who fights and stops talking to people etc. 'Lady put to the test' is what you become when you find yourself in the midst of men - the real lady in you is revealed. I'm tempted to quote BB King when he says 'the most beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.'

What I also didn't know was the 'fact' that any part of my body could be touched at any time. How do you expect me to get used to my boobs being touched and told it wasn't deliberate just in an attempt to draw my attention to an omission in a story. 

Hell broke loose. The headmistress in me was awakened: friendly but stern. How do I explain that I came to work not to be exploited or I need you all to stop seeing me  as a female and view me as one of you but you cannot touch me?

I also didn't know it meant men outside my team hugging me forcefully and being told it's because I smell good. Since when did smelling good become an offence punishable by hugging?  How do I explain you can't hug or touch me until I give you my consent? 

Oh womanhood. How do you get these men to understand that there are days I don't want to be touched at all by anyone or except by the one I want to be touched by? How do I explain I could end up slapping someone? How do I explain 'don't touch me?' Oh Womanhood!

I love working among males  but they didn't tell me this part of it....about how it feels to be the only woman.....

This is for:

The guys I call 'my bodyguards' 'my hypocrites'

The best teamleader ever who says but 'Elly you know we'll once a while touch you accidentally' so please...

....but seriously the next time anyone touches me, I'm calling the  

To all women who can call themselves ' the only  among the guys' doffing my scarf to you!

Photo source: Google Photos

IT IS WELL!

Last Friday morning, I woke up happy yet went to bed grieving.  I kept hearing it is well from everyone. We had dreams, we had talked about them just a few weeks ago  and we were looking forward to living them.

I begin this week and I'm hit with another of those. All night I prayed imploring the Holyspirit  to let the morning come with  a miracle. I still remember  Deeidei  Adu's "love that will never let  me go." In that book Deeidei  stated that  sometimes God answers us differently. She had looked forward  to her healing so much yet, was granted healing in the form of death. The last chapter of the book was put on hold awaiting  the healing yet when  it came, it was her sister that  had to finish it up. Deeidei  was set free to go and rest from all that physical  pain and torture  of living  with LAM.

God! You need to be in a different  realm to accept this kind of healing.
You need wisdom to live with  it. So I keep hearing  it is well. But it is not well. It is not well because  a mother cries for her daughter, her brothers crave her affectionate smile and I'm dying to receive a whatsapp message from her. It is not well because  another family cries for their daughter  and her husband  yearns to wake up from this nightmare, her son, to be carried  again  by Mummy.

It is not well because hearts have been broken as well as promises. Dreams have been  shattered  and no goodbyes said. Because  tears have become food for days now and grief  feels the hearts of family, friends and loved ones.

Who will comfort these ones? If not God?  Who will heal these broken hearts and wipe away their tears.

"If I live, I  live for christ
If I die, I die for christ."

It is not well because  these young  women are somewhere wishing to come back  to the hearts they have broken.  Physically  it is not well but we believe  it is well. Yes with Christ it is well because  we know that there shall be no more death nor sorrow, nor crying and the Lord shall wipe away all our tears."

Lord it is hard but we soldier on because  you bring a new day. The sun has stopped  shining for now but we await when it will shine again.

God comfort  those who are hurting  tonight.
It will be well.
It is well!

Photo  Source :  Google  Photos 

Women Have A Choice Too!

 I met one of those old men borgers at the supermarket  where I  had gone to shop after work nights ago.He sounded level headed so I did not refuse to exchange numbers with him after he claimed he  found me quite interesting.

Because I went asking the people at the supermarket   why they were selling a certain brand  of cornflakes and whether it had been certified by the FDA. (Definitely  that's  how they start, they find you intriguing  or intelligent, since beautiful no longer moves us. Next thing they are pushing or trying their  luck to see if they can burst the nuts.)

Now  may I ask why men think that they own you once they buy you a drink or two? Or give you a few thousands of Ghana cedis or dollars  or pounds. Please  this phenomena  is becoming  increasingly  annoying.This man thought the next thing  that should be  happening after having a  drink is, we should be having sex.

A woman  seated at a table close to ours that same night was busy trying to  win a soul for christ  by convincing  a young woman who had admitted exchanging  sex for favours to change. I had stopped  listening to the one seated infront of me and was eavesdropping. It was the same story, men feeling  like  once they helped  a woman  out they had to be rewarded with sex.

No disrespect  to men because  I love men but this attitude  of men is getting  out of hand. A man is lending  you a hand and the next thing, he wants sex as payment.

A woman  seated at a table close to ours that same night was busy trying to  win a soul for christ  by convincing  a young woman who had admitted exchanging  sex for favours to change. I had stopped  listening to the one seated infront of me and was eavesdropping. It was the same story, men feeling  like  once they helped  a woman  out they had to be rewarded with sex.

Who says  I  can't  buy myself a drink? When you go to even have a drink alone, is when they think  you need sex. What is wrong with  our current  generation ? Can't  a woman  have some 'me' time anymore?

Unfortunately  I've met some nicely dressed ones, with good jobs who seem well-mannered  but on a  first interaction they are commanding sex out of you and want to make you feel guilty for not offering it to them. What is wrong with us?

I have stopped  responding  to  stupid. Yes,I read your text it sounds abusive or harassing I  ignore you if you are lucky. Look elsewhere .......having a woman  listen to all that madness is traumatising.

What gives a man the audacity  to think that once he has your phone number he can call or text to abuse you verbally  or  harass  you? Why should  men think that they must do women favours for sex? This madness  must stop. Some men are really painting 'men' black.

Same men pushing women  into prostitution  are  the same men calling them names. Yes, what would  you call a woman  who sleeps with every man  since you lots think every drink should end up in sex?

Dear young woman, your body is not for sale. Never! A man giving you a few cedis or buying you a drink doesn't  deserve  your body. You are fearfully  and wonderfully  made. No amount of money can buy you. Close your legs already unless that's  what you want, let no man make you feel like  you are obliged to give them your body. This nonsense  must stop!

Dear young woman, teach the men how to treat you by not responding  to this age old nonsense. Learn  to work for your  own cash and not depend on a man. Cease the day, wherever  you find  yourself, stop taking  the  abuse and harassment  from them.

Dear men,not every  woman wants to have sex with you. Not every  woman  wants a favour  so they can  pay back with sex. This madness  must stop. Stop abusing  women, stop harassing  women, women have a choice too!

My apologies  if this hit on men or sounded a bit harsh but women have a choice too. Remember I love men!

Who Are You To Someone ?

Two nights ago, I woke up at 1am to  read and had just gone back to nap  when I  found inspiration  to  write this piece.

Sometimes  the choices we make in life, can either push us to the top or undo us. When  it comes to friendships, business partners, marriage etc. our choices can mar the future.

People  are looking for walking sticks, some are looking for carriers  and others drivers, some others, just spectators  to cheer them on in the field of life towards attaining a medal or reaching their finish line. Which one are you? Which one are you  looking for?

Sometimes  our choices of who we need and what we want to be to others can change our lives forever. Lately, the people   hate the cheerleader, spectator or alarm clock types. They would  rather go in for the great in giving me pleasure type.

There are others who the moment they get upset will ruin every single empire they helped  you build. Are you  one of those people ?  You don't  have to  be. A good  person does not brag about how good he or she is. A good person  is known by their deeds.

Some people  will forget  the very minute things you did for them that turned their lives around. They will tear you down by a single raise of the arm. What do you  do?

Your value does not diminish  by the  way  a person decides to treat you. You are who you are. A queen or king,strong,a cheerleader,  a helper...

Stop switching  loyalty  roles because someone  let you down. Stop trying to unmake people  because  you had a  little  misunderstanding  with them. Let your worth be seen and measured by the real you.

May I ask, who are you to someone on the field  of life? Cheerful  or spectator, alarm clock or coach, walking stick or carrier?

Photo source: Google  Photos 

Hoping to write more in the days ahead.

Congratulations  to  Mawuli, you walk down the aisle  on Friday.
Unfortunately, I cannot  be there to support  you,
but my wish for  you, is to practice  all those poems you've been writing  with no one else but your wife. Grow old together !

SHE IS GHANA

They gather in grandeur to honour her graciousness
Wrapped in beauty and wealth
Her land, great and  rich in resources
Freed from her oppressor into freedom to fly
Independence they  called it
Born to a new dawn
Freed and left to fly
She is Ghana!

A free eagle to soar and shine
It's her 61st
Akua Ghana....
Ghana my happy home
Kwame Nkrumah's Ghana
Your Ghana
My Ghana
She is Ghana

Let the drums beat
Let the trumpets blow
Let her people celebrate
Criticise and praise Akua Ghana
She is Ghana
Kwame Nkrumah's Ghana
Your Ghana
My Ghana
She is Ghana

Happy  Independence  Day to all Ghanaians.
God bless our homeland Ghana!

I  saw a whole school march along the Ashongman- Kwabenya  road this morning without  security escort. Who allowed their children  to march on such a busy road? And those teachers..what happened  to school fields? All because  it's Ghana's birthday, I laughed  all morning  because  some parents  decided  to allow their precious  kids risk their lives in the name of Independence  Day Celebration. It would have been a sad day if something had happened to them. Ghana my happy  home☺☺☺

Photo Source: Kobby Blay Photography and Google  Photos  

CHEESE ON MY CAKE

Cup cake
Honey cake
Banana cake
Vanilla cake
Chocolate cake
Still cheese on my cake.

Cheesy cheese
Crooked circles
Shining slings
Running helter skelter
Run and run
Still cheese on my cake.

Chase cheese cake
It's a cheese cake chase
Till I eat that cheese on my cake
Feed me, spoil me, stone me like Dallas in
Jackie Collins'....
Cheese on my cake!

Photo Source  :  Google  Photos 

A HERO IN LIFE'S FIGHT

'Life is opening out before you
Youthful life so fresh and bright
God on high is watching over you
Be a hero in the fight
Be a hero
Stand up bravely for the fight
Be a hero
Be a hero
Be a hero in the fight'

~An old song from Primary School~

How I hate the sight of  graveyards especially when my mind isn't preconditioned to see one.

You know the hysteria that comes with it: sometimes it sets the mood for the rest of my day. It reminds me of my grandparents, my mother and a friend, my little cousin who went to be with the Lord at age 11 or so, my girlfriend who asked me for airtime and took ill and that was the end. Don't even know if she finished the airtime.

 I'm reminded of all the people I've lost to death who lie beneath the debris in the bottom surrounded by darkness.

Sometimes I like to just look at the numerous grave yards when I pass by. It teaches me lessons though it always comes with a feeling of sadness. The other time I passed by it again, I started putting this write up together but couldn't finish it.

How we take the life we live for granted. Some gamble with it, drive at top speed, ride motor bikes and gamble with their lives in the middle of the road as if this life were a gambling slot. Sometimes we are living alright but dead inside, either because of some negative experiences of the past or people's attitudes toward us. Sometimes we murder ourselves with our own words, at other times we do it to others with our very words.

I've been down for  two weeks, but while I lay not going to school or work, and trying to get well again, life taught me the meaning of that song we used to scream and sing during Primary school days back in UPS. Then, this song held no meaning for us, at least not for me. Now it does. I would sing this song to my roomie and friend Alexa years ago in Akuafo and she would say to me 'you always have a way of making me feel better'  at that time, it was to probably make her happy but now this song makes more meaning.

When all the odds are against you, when darkness seems to linger on and it isn't darkness beneath the debris,know that life is still opening out before you. When you feel like giving up, when you feel it's time to die and so cage yourself in, whilst still alive, remember this song I've just shared with you. Be a hero in the fight,  yes you be a hero in life's fight!

Photo Source: Google photos

A WALK DOWN THE AISLE TALES: CASH FOR SUGAR DADDY

People come into our lives for various reasons. Some come as acquaintances,  helpers, friends for life name them. Just the other day, I went asking my friends if they knew any rich old men. It was hilarious,  my girlfriends dissed me, others said I was crazy, while others laughed it off. My male friends: some were like is it Movenpick or Kempinski you to want to go to, I'll take you. Others said they were available, it must have sounded like a joke. There was another group that got furious that I would come asking for sugar daddy links in the first place. Oh well, was just messing around but indeed there's too much pressure in this world.

If you are aspiring to be my sugar daddy, the five or four star hotels in Ghana won't impress me unless I allow myself to be impressed by you by psyching myself up. You know why, as early as age 22 , I had this boyfriend, who was  son of a certain big man in Ghana who wanted to act like a big man himself,  as young as we were. Those hotels were  where we had our drinks just to talk or watch soccer and have  dinner. After that time, taking me to such places and wasting what I call money which may be peanuts to you, does not wow me.

I seemingly had a male admirer not long ago who loved to tow the same line, he believed in taking me to the best places to dine but when nothing came out of it, he called me the girl who wouldn't even appreciate his head if he cut it for me. You see, a certain boy had spoilt me and taught me to look beyond material things and luxurious places. Believe me I appreciate simple gestures and places, I've come to learn it's the intent and reason behind a person's actions that matters. Now tell me, where are you gonna take me in Ghana that I haven't been to?

Sugar Daddies come into the lives of young women to get one thing, their sexual fantasies and desires met. In some instances they genuinely love the little girls they date and end up settling down with them if they do not have men in their lives already. I know a childhood friend who is happily married to one with whom she has kids and obviously he has helped push her  dreams. I don't know if she has any regrets though. Just the other day, I was sharing with my lecturer the story of a sugar daddy who had gotten poisoned by his little girlfriend and died leaving his wife and children. My coursemate had told me the story which happened in his neighbourhood. Apparently she had wanted to get married to her younger boyfriend who she confessed had told her to kill the old man.

Personally, I'm thinking if I have a sugar daddy he has to be able to prove beyond reasonable doubts that he can blow my mind off. Yes trips abroad for the weekend, a luxurious car; brand new, yes brand new, a business empire, please this whole Ghana legal education system is frustrating, a paid world-class education in the  UK, US or Canada  won't be bad. A fat bank account,  a Regimanuel Gray estate apartment; I only ask for Regimanuel, it's affordable, I don't want to punch holes in your pocket  and we are good to go. I'm so cheap, my list isn't too tall.

Till then, we remain friends because afterall if you are not single and can marry me, this is no time to be deceiving myself into a relationship where he stands to gain more than me.  I should be enhancing my life too because in the end, he'll go back to his wife or? And I'll be left to hunt for my Adam again. Oh but if he's single and raises the bar high, and I want to spend my life with him, why not. Yes, even if you are a young married man, the gains must be good, seriously!  This sin must give me some benefits to show for.....

Yet the little I' ve seen and come to learn about this life is, it will be wrong for a young woman to place her dreams in the pocket of a man. Some maybe lucky and have those men safeguard them and help nurture them. I'm not a believer in such things. I'm still that conservative thinking woman who believes in owning my own dreams and working at it, it will be a plus to have a man push me but I do not rely on a man to push me. Did I hear you mention feminism? No no, don't get it wrong. I beg to differ, I believe a man will not marry my beauty only, I should be able to also bring something worthwhile to the table. My man must be proud he met me and has me. Do I throw my talent away or put it on hold because I await a man to push me? Oh!

Sugar Daddy can't be my thing because if you ask me to sit and wait for you, I won't. My brains race too much to want to sit and wait for someone who has got their own life. Oh I know what your argument will be next, a younger man can be equally domineering, yes but I haven't met any yet.

Some young women genuinely need the push to reach their destinations, that's fine and even if I did, I would rather hustle unless the money is worth it. Which ever way, would you like a Sugar Daddy? Feel free to have one. If not, girl, live your life...freedom is expensive!

Photo Source: Owi

Life Is Gold

Ghanaians woke up to the sad news of dancehall artiste Ebony's demise on Friday. While I did those few lines announcing the news to the world, I was not only in a state of denial hoping it would be another of those pranks but was certain it would be fake news. It was quite a sad day, was depressed all through, if I felt that way, how did the families feel then?

Yet days have passed and there has been no news of Ebony coming back to life nor assertions that it was not her who got killed in the accident.  I realise life is gold, life is precious.

It leaves us with lots of lessons to draw and infer. I hope  investigations  will be conducted  and we'll all know who left the heap of sand there as well as the necessary  actions taken where needed. Ghana my happy home!  Damn the allegations and controversies surrounding her death. It has been an opportunity for people to boast and pride themselves in the fact that their mums intercede on their behalves, whose mum doesn't? Shut up already! That's someone's baby we are referring to not your mum's baby.

There are no special people in the world if there were, years ago, a great man of God in this country lost his two beautiful rising daughters in a tragic road accident even though they had travelled by air and had to reach their final destination by road.  Those girls were special, tell me why they died then?

I did not know Ebony personally, I only knew her as the girl who showed so much flesh and had songs I could dance to. She obviously oozed sexual appeal amongst the male population, nothing new. The only time I had really listened to people I know talk about her was not even anything bad. The guys were intrigued by her way of dressing and very typical of men, they did not mind having her. She was a crush to most young men in this country.

Not someone to be bothered by her dressing. Why judge someone when I may have done my share of it and still do? I believe in letting people make their own mistakes and learn from them. Forty percent of my female friends are years younger than I am. I've been in that position countless times when they would either come telling me something or show up dressed inappropriately.  Do I tell them they are wrong? When you love people, you correct them in love. Sometimes letting them make their own mistakes and having them point them out to you themselves helps. I would never be able to draw them if all I did was criticise them at the least opportunity but pointing out their flaws is not a priority, what is, is to ensure that they reach their dreams and goals as well as not stray.

I always use myself as an example. I would say if you knew me during undergrad days in Legon, you would hate me. I wore weird and loud shades  of nail polish. Wore several toe rings and rings on my fingers. Wore anklets to go with it and definitely there had to be a bit of my flesh showing off. Please my mum took me along to buy my clothes, she made me choose them and she paid. Needless to say I dressed that way but was as innocent when it came to anything sexual. Sometimes appearances can be deceptive.  I just lived my life. Didn't I grow up in church? 

 Thank God for his saving grace. So given this backdrop, I'm not someone to judge someone by the way they dress. Except perform my fashion police duties in my mind and if their pantie line was drawn or something was off.

Today I've learned to cover up and I look at people who wear toe rings and anklets and smile.  No need telling them to stop, they'll stop when they want to. Life is in stages. We grow up every time and I was hoping Ebony would reach that stage too, so I never bothered with what she wore.

Finding Christ? No one is too young or too old to find Christ. If evangelism isn't backed with the Holy Spirit, we would win no souls at all. Our parents have a huge responsibility of bringing us up in a way that the awareness of a higher authority we submit to is imbibed in us. The best thing we can do for our children is to lead them to Christ. Yes some will drift away but it will be an albatross around your neck not to ever introduce your children to Christ as a parent. Yes and even if your parents never do, you still have the chance.

Everyone keeps talking about Ebony but have you given it a thought yet? She became a star in her youthful age. How old are you ? Are you a star yet? Have you lived your dream yet? Are you that doctor or dancer you said you would become? Are you writing a book? How many have you published and how many lives have you impacted? Can you even afford to take a risk?

The parents who keep judging. Okay, you are supposed to implore the Holy Spirit to build a hedge of protection around your children. Are you praying for your children? Or you are busy glorying in their achievements and neglecting the prayer bit? Are you interceding for them? Are you correcting them in love? Are you counselling them whilst cheering them on in the field of life? Are you standing in the gap for them?

Those of you  saying on social media, my mum stands in the gap for me and would never let this happen, my dad does too,  does God know you personally?  Are you working out your own salvation too or leaving it to your mums? Mums if you have a rising star, are you standing in the gap for them whilst they go out to pursue their dreams?

As a child of your parents, are you protecting yourself? Are you under a covering? Are you seeking God? Whatever it is you are seeking, seek it well. We all need God. We all need the grace of a finisher to reach our various dreams and destinations and be the ones to bury our parents not otherwise.

Are we loving enough?  Are we spending time feeding our souls as much as we spend time on our physical bodies, yes facials, pedicures and all? Remember, heaven is so real and death is cruel but an end for everyone .

While we mourn Ebony, stop the unnecessary speculations and judgements, leave God who gave her to us to do his work. Concentrate on working out your own salvation, let this draw you a step closer to your dreams and propel you to seek Christ if you do not know him yet. If you already do, concentrate on working out your salvation, leave someone's daughter alone!

Our hearts are definitely broken, God take care of yours and the families of those who died with you.

Even in death, your determination, style rare talent cannot be overlooked.

Forever in our hearts.
We'll miss you.
Sleep well Ebony!

Photo source  : Google  Photos  and  Marie Amoakwa  Boadu

HAPPY NEW BEGINNING!

These past few days, I've read with so much interest people's achievements in 2017 and resolutions for 2018. From I did this and that to I thank God for this and that to what they would do differently this new year: 'I'm not tolerating friends who....' and the list is endless.

I remember how 2017 began. My year had never began better: a glorious time in God's presence. I may not have understood it then but as 2017 unfolded, I began to understand the very few days spent in the beginning just waiting in his presence.

I'm not someone  who  would count my blessings openly: my God knows why and he understands the importance of not jumping ahead of him so I sum it all up in one phrase: ' Answered Prayers.' I learned that he makes all things beautiful in his very own time even when before the eyes of man, it is deemed really late.

My regrets: I was a committed member of the Answer Communications team. Using my little piece of writing to spread God's word, and push the vision of his servant in his kingdom. However, in the latter part, I made it look like the church needed me whilst I perused my dreams. I deserted my role as a church worker.

As a youth executive, during the latter part, I did not contribute much. I was rather interested in sending my substance and I must have gotten it all wrong. I was sworn into office to promote God's work amongst the youth, I became a dormant executive.

I joined the instrumentalists at church hoping to play for the 'Rubies' once I became perfect. With my piano background from my childhood days  it was not a struggle to fit in. My tutor was impressed, I dedicated hours after service each Sunday practising on the keyboard. I was zealous about it and all was going well till the semester started to weigh me down.

I had less sleep and was always on the go. I looked stressed, everyone around me said. This was the semester I nearly quit. I would cry secretly and ask myself why I had gotten into this in the first place. People may not understand but with time, the R...... and R........ kept me away from church on Sunday mornings. I would sleep instead of getting out of bed.

Forget it if you invited me to go to any event. I wouldn't show up. I would never text or call back for weeks. I lost friends.  God knows.....I didn't have a social life. I lost touch with the world. Friday nights out was the least on my priority list, I was mostly exhausted and needed to get enough  sleep( which I never got) to face my  Saturday. 

People thought I was arrogant.They invested time trying to reach me and all I did was act like an ass. Forgive me! It has been a long haul. The very little time I had, I would try to invest in two or so people. Apparently, they would take it for granted too because they did not know it was such a sacrifice on my part. My friend Rina couldn't understand me either. She would lash out at me especially because I wouldn't show up for service or even perform my duties in God's house. We would bicker for days. On the other hand, Miss Mortson was not perturbed. She knew I didn't get in touch often because I was busy.

If you are really close to me,  then you understand what 'housegirl' duties mean. This latter part, I could not cook for my mum or clean for her. When the laundry woman falls ill, I'm uncomfortable, I really did not have time to enjoy life like people do. I spent less time with my family neither did I talk to them much.

I look back and my regrets are of the things I started beautifully especially in the house of God and deserted.  In 2018,  I go back to my keyboard. I can't sing but I can play for them to sing, why must I be lazy?

I can't talk but I can write. Why did I neglect my duty in the communication team? No matter how tired I am, I must show up for service on Sundays, I don't have an excuse.

Sometimes, the very things we ask God for, keep us away from him. People without children ask God for a child. He blesses them with one and they spend their entire time at home taking care of the child and stop attending church. What if God decides to take away that child?

In 2018, remember your blessings are not meant to stop you from serving God but rather they are meant to make you serve God in comfort so that others can see and draw nearer to him. As we get a chance at a new beginning this new year,  let's learn the truth in being blessed by God: so others may enjoy that blessing too.

Happy New Beginning 2018!