Monday:
You deserted your earthly role
The most important of them:
Motherhood.
You didn't look back
You just walked on
Walked on to rest
I still can't believe this happened
I can't believe how it happened either
Painful departure
Thinking about it hurts
Still holding onto the word of God
Miss you dearly
Continue to rest well in the splendour of the almighty.
Missing someone in heaven.
This is for you if you miss someone in heaven too.
Finally, twelve posts in April :)
Claude
They were such an activity, I just didn't want anymore drama so I avoided them. This twenty five year old was beautiful. I liked the way she smiled last night. Though I did not want to go to the beach, Audrey said I needed to because yesterday, I had misbehaved infront of her friend and had to show up and be on my best behaviour to make up for it. So I met them at the Golden beach. Was told the beautiful girl had just closed from church and was going to be arriving soon. Wow! Church. Thats nice. I had arrived forty minutes and the beautiful girl was no where near.
Audrey got a call directing someone to where we were sitting. She excused herself and I spotted her talking to some attractive girl. Chocolate skin, average height with a pony tail. She was wearing something like a long wrapper around her waist with blue, yellow and white designs in it. She had on a sea blue top and I could see she had big boobs just big enough. The beautiful girl removed her wrapper. Isssssh and then Audrey engaged her in a hug. She had beautiful spotless thighs and legs, I noticed. She straightened her wrapper and tied it back around her waist. Jeremy and I watched as she and Audrey walked towards where we were seated. When Audrey said the queen was here and we had greeted her, I officially stood up to engage her in a handshake. 'Claude' 'Yella' she said smiling back.
Oh shit. Please don't smile again. You look too beautiful when you smile. She had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. When it was time for her to order her drink, she ordered mango juice. Same thing she had last night. Audrey said I had eaten her pizza yesterday so I thought I would make it up to her today.
Can't believe I messed up first time meeting this beautiful girl. I think I'll call her a doll. She actually looks like one, with her pretty eyes. We all got talking contemplating which type of pizza to order. 'Anything goes' said Audrey. 'No I want you ladies to make the choice' I said smiling at the doll. She just shook her head. I decided to go get the waiter and order us some more khebabs so the doll could eat some too. When I got back to the table, Audrey was talking. 'Its not your turn to buy it. When its your turn, you can choose.' The doll just laughed. 'Why, Yella wants something else?' I asked. She just smiled. Jeremy said: apparently there's a particular type of pizza Yella would have loved. ' Tell me please, Ella' I pleaded. 'No.' Said Audrey. 'Ella, please tell me .' The doll kept smiling.'No, she isn't the one paying for it. Besides you asked before going to place the order and she refused to talk.' Audrey said again. 'But she can still tell me.' 'No' 'Jeremy do you know which type it is?' I asked. 'No man.' 'Ella please tell me. Just tell me, Audrey isn't the one going to pay for it. Next time, will get you that one.' The doll just smiled and said: 'vegetarian pizza with mashroom toppings.' I smiled at her and said 'next time will get you that, I promise. ' ' Thank you. ' she replied. There was an awkward silence at the table. Audrey told me to exchange seats with her so she could sit close to Jeremy. I went to sit by Yella then.
She smelled nice. Wow. I wanted to get to know her better. There was an enigma to this girl but I didn't like her age.
Yella
The weird boy from last night was acting all nice today. What could it be. Oh yes, last night, he had been tipsy. Why was he particularly interested in which pizza I would like? Is it because he ate mine last night? Was he feeling guilty? When he got up to go place the orders, I noticed he was tall. I 'm sure I would be half of him ; in height I mean. I looked at the fair guy with pink lips smiling at me. Was he bleached. I wondered. I kept looking out for discolourations on his skin but found none. He had broad shoulders. He had been working out. Quite obvious. He was tall and slim. Nothing you would call handsome but he was attractive. He had a beautiful smile. His teeth were sparkling white.
I could see the smile in his eyes. They were genuine but this dude was so out of my league. I never got attracted to fair guys. I had never been attracted to one. I always dated dark skinned or chocolate skinned guys. Fair guys, no. I never looked at them twice. His side burns ran into a moustache and a beared neatly trimmed. I could not guess his age but I was very sure I was years older than him. I never dated slim guys. I liked boys with just enough body: bit huge.
Well who cares. He's out of my league. Not my type. So his looks really don't matter to me.
Novel taster: unfortunately, can't post anymore, on the blog but I hope you will get a copy soon.....
Photo credit: Simone Signoret
Mummy's House
Sunshine Dollup
11.40 am
When we all arrived at my Mum's place and got settled, Mummy didn't even bother to change her church clothes. She went on straight to the kitchen to fix our meal. Aya helped her and soon we were all sitting at the table and eating. The rice balls and peanut butter soup tasted delicious. I loved the fact that, Mummy had used both fish and meat for it. I enjoyed it so much and so did Keziah's children.
'I'm packing some soup for you Yella and Keziah.' I nodded in agreement. 'Thanks Mummy.' But I saw Keziah's basket being packed with more bowls meaning Mummy had cooked for her as always. Mummy always cooked for Keziah to take home for the week, her own way of making motherhood less stressful for her. Most of the time, she imposed it on me too, but I declined with the excuse that I hardly ate them because I got home late. They only went waste after keeping them in the freezer forever. These days, I would rather not take them but Mummy was beginning to complain that I was losing weight and that, she didn't want me getting to a size zero. 'Your husband must meet you with all these assets showing not after you've lost it.' So I could not refuse this soup.
After dessert, we all sat down to talk. Aya and keziah's boys went to nap whilst the youngest of them all clinged on to Mummy. Sitting on her laps and singing most of the time. I had left my purse in the car so went to get it so I could check my phone. Audrey had called twice. I checked my messages. Gladys was thanking me for attending her baby's naming ceremony and was hoping to see me at the real christening. At this point, she got me confused. I actually thought they were the same. Well........Audrey had sent a text too. Telling me the name of the beach and hoping to see me soon. I needed a lie down and was planning to do so before going to my place.
I went back to sit with the others inside the house. Aya left us and came back after a while dressed in an all brown and black jumpsuit with yellow kitten heels to go out. 'Big sis, can I borrow your car Please? ' She asked touching my shoulder. 'Little sister, I have to go somewhere. 'I replied. 'Oh. Where's that? Can I drop you off?' Aya was bent on borrowing my car. I could not refuse her. Not when I could lend it to her. 'Okay. Then you would have to drop me off and pick me up. Is that fine by you?' 'Anything for you big sis.' I still sat down for a while but Aya kept pacing up and down. I figured she really wanted to go. I checked my phone again to read my messages. I saw one from Aya and glanced at her suspiciously and then went on ahead to read it. 'Ella, can we go now pleaseeeee?' 'Mummy, K..., I have to go now.' I walked over to Mummy to hug my niece and then Mummy. When I got to Keziah, she stood up. 'Let me walk you to your car.' She said. 'Yella, be safe.' My mum said. 'Thank you Mummy, we'll talk soon.' I heard my Mum scream when we got to the front door. 'Aya.' 'Yes Mummy.' Aya screamed back but didn't turn to go back in. 'Please come back early' Mum said to her. 'I will Mummy.'
' Aya will come at ten I'm sure.' We all burst out into laughter. 'No k, I'll be back by seven.' 'Hmm...I'll get to my house and call Mummy and she will tell me you're not back and she can't reach you either.' Aya smirked. Keziah hugged Aya and then hugged me goodbye too before Aya drove off.
'Where are you going Aya?' 'To see a friend. ' I nooded. 'Where are you going? ' She asked me. 'To the beach. I need to change first, so we'll pass by the house so I can quickly change. ' ' Sure sis.' Aya turned on the radio and she kept singing along to every song all through to my house.
She followed me inside when we arrived at my place. She went through my perfumes whilst I searched through my wardrobe to find something to wear. I settled on a black jeans shorts and a dotted yellow tank top. My shorts were a little below my lower thigh but above the knee. I looked for a sarong and decided to wear the sarong over it with its spaghetti strapped top. So I quickly removed the yellow tank top and wore the sea blue and white spaghetti strap top instead with a mixure of sea blue, white and yellow saron tied around my waist. I removed the black jeans shorts and wore a plain sea blue shorts instead.
I went to the guest room to my other shoe rack to find a pair of flat sandals to wear and picked a white one. Then I tried to pack two white towels into my beach bag and reached for one of my sun shades. I touched up on my makeup especially my eyeliner and lipstick. I finally sprayed on some fragrance and checked my image in the mirror. Aya entered again holding something in her hand like a small paper bag. I didn't pay attention to it.
Very usual of Aya to come to my house and pick something she thinks, she can use. Most often, one of my perfumes, bags or jewellery. I would never notice it till, I needed to use them and could not find them. Or till she got home and called to say she had taken something of mine. These days if I couldn't find something in my house, Aya was the right person to ask and she would show me where she kept it or saw it. These not withstanding, my little sister was adorable and I loved her to bits. I liked it when she took my stuff. It only endorsed me as a fashionista because Aya loved looking trendy.
Infact all my sisters did except Dafflyne who was not so particular about what was trendy and what was not. She just loved to look good but would never have time to check out new trends. Till date, if she wanted to get a new wardrobe, Bambi was her consultant. Aya on the other hand loved to look trendy.
'You look pretty as always, sis.' 'Thank you Aya.'Learning from you.' That made Aya laugh so hard. 'Me?' She questioned. 'Who' s older? I learned from you Ella, and I learned well.' This time, I smiled. My sister always reminded me that, she learned her Fashionista skills from me. I found that statement funny though.
At the Beach
Yella
Aya dropped me off at the Golden beach. She promised to pick me up when I was ready to go home and drove off. I called Audrey and she told me where I could find her. I had taken off my sarong and was readjusting it, to tie it when Audrey run to me. She hugged me. 'You look good Ella.' 'Thanks Drey, you too. As always. ' She smiled.'Thank you. ' Audrey was wearing a pair of jeans skirt, with a show your tummy short sleeve white top. The wind was blowing her hair and her pink lipstick looked good on her. 'Lets go meet the guys' she said pulling me by the hand. 'Guys?' I asked astonished. 'Yes Yella.' Before I could utter a word, we were standing infront of Audrey's boyfriend and the weird guy from last night.
'The queen is finally here' said Audrey guiding me to a seat. She sat in the one beside me. I looked at Audrey's boyfriend and he still looked cute. Well the guy is cute, I reminded myself. 'Hi Ella' I looked in the direction of the voice at the weird guy sitting across the table from Audrey. He smiled at me showing a clean white sparkling set of teeth. This guy again, I thought and then he offered me his hand in a hand shake. 'Claude' I think he felt the need to remind me of his name or so.......
Claude
The weather was lovely though the sun was up and a bit hot. Just lovely enough for the beach.
Audrey had been bothering me since last night on our way home to go to the beach with Jeremy and her. She mentioned to me that, the beautiful girl from last night was going to be there too. Well, last night I had been tipsy and could not talk to her. I remember a beautiful face though. Beautiful and quite young. I'm sure she's twenty five and I don't want to get close to such girls anymore. I had had enough of them.
Intellectual properties are bragging rights so I would rather do this than get into trouble : Photo source:Yachal House.
Sunday
Sunshine Dollup
My alarm woke me up at 5am as usual. What day is it today? I tried to recall. Monday? I wondered. I rolled to the other side of the bed so I could turn it off and stayed on that side; stretching. I remembered last night, and then I knew it was Sunday not Monday. Meaning I had more time to sleep. Church was going to begin at 8am. Usually I left home at half past 7. That meant, I had more time to sleep.
I lay on my side and closed my eyes. Thankfully, I drifted off to sleep again. I was awoken by the beeping of my phone, before I could pick itup, the call ended. It was exactly 7 am. I checked my missed calls and Bambi my younger sister had called me twice. Audrey had called six times and Gladys two times. Audrey! I checked my messages before calling everyone back except Audrey. Bambi didn't pick up but had sent a text on whatsapp earlier, stating why she had tried reaching me. 'Hi Ella
Was hoping I could talk with you
for a while.
I'm working this morning, so will call you back later
Miss you big sis xxxx
Bambi is my mum's last but one child. She was away in Kiev studying medicine. She got along better with her immediate older sister but told me, how Dafflyne hardly picked her calls these days with the excuse that, she was tending to her babies. These days, she called me often and any time she wanted to talk despite the time difference. I loved talking to her though.
Gladys didn't pick her call either. Just when I had been trying to call her back, Audrey sent a text. 'Hope to see you this afternoon.
Please don't disappoint me Ella.'
Whats with this Audrey girl. Did I agree to go to the beach? Not that I remember. So why this text . 'Will see...' I texted back.
'Oh Ella,
Don't do that please
I promise
You aren't gonna regret coming with me.'
I read the text and smiled. 'Drey, will get in touch in the afternoon.' Had to get ready for church. Drey had a way of getting what she wanted and I was not going to go over that with her again this early morning.
Church was awesome as always. Another marriage was announced. It was going to be in three weeks. The church applauded as the would be couple was introduced. Such a young girl, I thought. I was happy for her though. She was one of the girls who I was barely friends with but, who I liked from a distance. I gave her a ride after church a few times. I think she mentioned to me the other day that she had just graduated from University. Okay, she's lucky I thought.
I did not have a chance to feel bad. I had gotten used to the weddings at church. Except that, when I attended those ceremonies and got back home, I felt weird, like there was something wrong with me. Sometimes, I felt like changing churches. I had been attending the same church since age fourteen. I was not only a big sister to most of the girls but virtually grew up in that same church. I only kept going because my Pastors did a good job of encouraging me and also because I got a chance to be with my family. Once a while, I missed Sunday service if I was out of town or deliberately. I felt too depressed to go to church sometimes. There was this one thing that I wanted God to do for me and that thing ended up depressing me.
On the other hand, I moved out of home seven months ago. I had wanted to stay till I got married but since that was not happening, I decided to just move. My mum talked me out of it several times. I think she envisaged the lonely nights and days ahead but, my mind had been made up. I left four months after my sister Dafflyne had her twins.
Two of my younger sisters: Dafflyne and keziah were married. keziah had been married for eight years and had three children: two boys and a girl. Dafflyne had been married for four years and had twins eleven months ago.
Dafflyne's marriage had caused a huge disaggrement in my family. Mum thought she needed to wait till I was married before getting married. Dafflyne thought same too but two years on she was eager to have it done. Her boyfriend had left her because she wouldn't marry him and she feared losing this one too, who was currently her husband. It often ensued in an argument between her and mum. Dafflyne would stay days without talking to any of us. When we called her phone, it went to answering machine. She called me one night to say, she really loved me and was praying for me to get married but to let her go ahead with her marriage if I loved her too.
In the end, I told mum to let her go ahead. She did and was happy till she began to worry that she could not make babies. She finally did after four years and even had twins as compensation. Dafflyne was a twin but her twin brother had died at birth.
My younger sister: Aya was twenty four and was in her final year in law school. Mum said she was blessed to have us, as children. Anytime we closed from church, we would all gather around Keziah's car, to talk as a family. keziah still attended our church and most of the time, she came to church in a bigger car because of her three children. Mummy still helped her with her children most of the time. Dafflyne lived in Pretoria with her family where she and her husband were both Lecturing. She had never moved home after earning her doctorate in Canada. She had gotten married to a kenyan and had moved first to Tanzania and now to South Africa. So it was just Aya, Keziah and I who were around currently.
'Lets go home and have lunch. I already made some peanut butter soup and rice balls. Your favorite K.' Mummy said, when we all gathered around keziah's car. Keziah gazed at me and then I gazed at Aya and we all started laughing. 'Mu-mm-y' said Aya, still laughing.My mum has a funny way of asking people over to her house by enticing them with food and forcing it on them. Like she was trying to say, Keziah's favourite food was rice balls and peanut butter soup.
Most of the time, I spent my Sunday afternoons with my family ; sisters, Mum, nephews, niece and brother inlaw. The only times I didn't was when I was out of town or didn't go to church. Our afternoons were spent eating out at the buffet at The Sun Hotel or going to Mum's place to eat. It was a time I really cherished; family meant the world to me. My sisters were all I had. Dad died when Aya was five. We grew up without him but Mum had not gotten married again. She had just made her children her priority and had vowed to make sure we were comfortable. She was thankful that we had been doing well so far.
Sometimes, I felt I was her only source of unhappiness. She just got super perturbed about my being single, it was beginning to bother me. We could not turn Mum's offer down so we just agreed to meet at her house. Keziah's children wanted to be in the same car with their Grandma though Aya and Mum didn't come to church with a car. Aya said the car was at the mechanics. So Mum went in Keziah's car and Aya in my car. Keziah's husband was out of town.
Mummy's House
I promised to post two more. So here we go with the last but one.
Again, this is just a novel taster....
Saturday Night. ....
Sunshine Dollup,
I lost track of time, consumed with sorrow and self pity. When I remembered I had a date with Audrey, I glanced at the kitchen clock and realised it was 7:20 pm. I quickly grabbed some tissue to wipe my face and then threw the rest of my food into the bin before doing the dishes. I had not been able to finish my meal. These days I barely ate. It was such a miracle that I was still a size ten.
Quickly I rushed to get my cell phone. I wasn't surprised to see four missed calls from Audrey and two messages: sms and whatsapp. 'Ella, please let me know if you aren't gonna make it.' I texted her back: 'I'm sorry Drey, will be there in fifteen minutes.' I searched through my wardrobe for something to wear. I decided on a cream three quarter sleeve short dress, which barely went beyond my upper thighs and a brown pair of leggings. I decided to hold up my hair in a ponytail with a dotted green band and settled on a pair of green open toe shoes with a brown sling bag. I did not wear make up, I didn't want to, because I had just gotten a facial a few hours ago. I just applied eyeshadow and apple red lipstick. Applying a little plain gloss over it to give it some shine.
When I checked my appearance in the mirror, Sunshine Dollup, your girl was looking good as always. I was naturally pretty: my mum at fifty eight looked pretty and super fabulous for her age. Guess thats where I got my looks from. Most of the time, I was mistaken for someone in her mid twenties. My four sisters were even more beautiful. The only thing was, I was the shortest in my family beside my mum. I stood at 5'5. I used to be a size fourteen and then gradually I worked my way to a size twelve. Lately, I could fit into a size ten even without working out. Well I hardly ate, what do you expect. These not withstanding, I was still endowed in the ass, boobs and hips department with big thighs and legs. I dubbed on my favourite J'lo fragrance. Checked out my appearance again in the mirror and walked out of the bedroom.
I only remembered I had forgotten my car keys when I got to the front door. I went back to get them. I got to Chillies in exactly fifteen minutes. Found a place to park my car and walked to find Audrey. I couldn't spot her anywhere outside. I decided to call her phone but there was no response. I chose a table to sit at and a waiter walked up to greet me. 'A small bottle of water please.' I said to him. He came back with the water in a minute or so. 'Would you like anything else, madam.' I thought about it for a second. Chillies had some really nice pizza. I settled for that whilst going through the menu. Well I didn't have to go through, I already knew what I wanted. 'Chillies special pizza, take out please. ' With that, the waiter had gone to get my order. I liked that pizza because of the mushroom.
I looked around for a while. Trying to see if I would see Audrey. There was no sign of her though. I took out my phone again and called her the second time. She still did not answer. I sent her a text. 'I'm here now.' Didn't think I would have to be the one to go wait for Audrey. She sounded like she was at Chillies hours ago when she texted me. Well, I was here now and just had to wait for her. I took the time to enjoy the cool breeze as I sat outside not inside.
I watched people giggle and laugh. I was so used to hanging out alone, it didn't feel awkward anymore.
The pizza arrived after a few minutes and Audrey was still nowhere to be found. Though I wanted to wait for her to come and lets do justice to it, the smell of it, won't let me. So I decided to start eating without her. I ordered a carton of mango juice to go with it. When I checked my phone again, Audrey had sent a text saying she would be there soon.
She did show up but with two tall guys I guess. They sat down at my table with Audrey hugging me from behind though I was seated. After exchanging pleasantries, Audrey introduced the guys to me. One was her boyfriend and the other her boyfriend's friend. She also apologised for being late.
Sunshine Dollup, the other one, did not even wait to get invited to share my pizza. He just helped himself. The guy has guts, I thought. Eating my pizza without asking. Which guy does that. He talked less and was quiet most of the time except when Audrey asked him something. I found him interesting. We ordered some more pizza. He was fair and tall. He looked like he had been gyming. Well, not my type of man. I never got attracted to fair guys. It was my first time meeting Audrey's boyfriend. I must admit he was cute. I watched them talk. I enjoyed spending time with them except the weird guy talked less. I learned later that he was tipsy. I'm not sure on what. Tequila or beer, funny. No wonder he ate my pizza without being invited.
The night ended with Audrey and her entourage going home in the funny guy's car. When I got home, it was half past midnight.
I took my bedtime shower and turned on the Tv.
I watched CNN for a while till I got a text from Audrey. I shook my head. She was asking us to hang out on Sunday afternoon at the beach. 'Will see' was my reply to her.
I turned off the Tv and drifted off to sleep.
Like I mentioned when I posted the first part of Sunshine Dollup: Diary Of A Single Sister, this is just a novel taster. Will post one or two more. If you like it and want to find out how the story ends, then you know what to do....
Saturday Night
Sunshine Dollup,
Today, I had quite a long day. Gladys from the gym where I work out has just had a baby. She invited me to go to her baby's naming ceremony. Typical of people in our part of the world these days, the ceremony did not begin on time. People showed up late though I'm aware this particular ceremony is usually held early in the morning.
Gladys was looking pretty and I admired her for giving birth to such an adorable baby boy.
Lately, I've been contemplating having a baby. At least, if I can't have a man cuddle me all night long, I can have someone call me 'Mummy.' Mini me.
Anytime I gave it a thought, I would nurture dreams of executing my thoughts and envisage what it would feel or be like to at least have a child.
Then again, reality hits me and propels me to rescind my decision. Casting my minds eye around, no one in my family: nuclear or extended has had a baby out of wedlock. I had four younger sisters, two unmarried, still looking up to big sister. Trust me, my mum seems to be worried about my status: single at thirty five but the thought of having a baby out of wedlock would not sound appealing to her. For various reasons: family, church and the society as a whole. Mummy is an elder at church. Lots of people at church also look up to me. I can't begin to imagine being up the duff. No husband. Yet, I feel like I'm running out of time.
Whatever it is, I just long for a family I can call my own and for this loneliness to cease. 'Can you carry your nephew a little while please.' Gladys said, rudely interrupting my thoughts. Placing baby Jones on my laps. I quickly had to hold him and by the time I could speak up, she had disappeared to attend to other guests. I'm sure. I loved baby Jones and Gladys was like a little sister to me.
She was twenty six but taller and bigger in stature. I had met her two years ago at the gym where I had been working out. She was an architect and has been one of my reliable friends since then. I could count on Gladys to spend time with me any day. I guess it was easier for her to do so because her hubby was out of the country studying. She must have felt lonely sometimes, I'm sure.
I love this girl. She's so thoughtful and sweet. When the ceremony had been finally over, I had gone to the spa and then to the salon. My Spa time was always one of the times when I wished I had someone I could send a photo of me with all those facial stuff on my face to, but it was always rejuvenating for me. When I was done and had been about to drive home, I checked my phone and had ten missed calls. Oooops. Audrey had called me ten times in a row. I quickly called her back. 'Hello Yella.' 'Hello, Drey. Are you okay?' 'Silly girl, I' ve been calling you all evening' Audrey said. 'Drey, was at the spa.' 'Okay, you're so annoying, can we hang out tonight at seven, is that okay?' I did a quick mind search. No i had no engagements or so ever tonight. 'Thats okay Drey. Come to my place at seven.' 'Noooo, please meet me up at Chillies instead.' Audrey said. 'Why, whats happening at Chillies?' I questioned. 'Nothing Ella, are you gonna come or not?' 'I will.' 'See you later beautiful' 'Yeah sure, see you later Drey. Bye. Bye.'
How did Audrey convince me to accept to go to Chillies with her tonight. I couldn't believe myself. Hanging out with Audrey was always fun. Most of the time, I was spent : she was such an activity so I always preferred having her over at my place instead. That way, she didn't have too many options to choose from.
It was already past five in the evening when I arrived home. I went to the kitchen to fix myself a quick meal: rice and goat light soup, which I had made a week ago. These days I've lacked inspiration to cook unless I was expecting someone over. I always cooked and ended up eating alone all week. Whilst I waited for the rice to cook, I went to take my shower. My life was becoming boring. After, I ate my food piecemeal in silence. The house was as usual, quiet as a graveyard.
Oh God.You've been good to me but there's one pressing need: I'm lonely. Give me someone to laugh and cry with. Come through for me. Grant me just this one wish. I had stopped eating to think about my current situation. I must admit I was getting depressed in every sense. Tears streaked down my cheeks as I sat at the dinning table. Reality struck me for a while longer as I cried my heart out.
Friday Night...
Dear Sunshine Dollup,
Just got home from a long day.
Its been stressful but fruitful.
I really made my clients happy today and my outfit as always would be proud of me.
I skipped breakfast as I had lots of stuff to read before work.
I did not have time to eat lunch either but after I closed tonight, I went to Lollies to eat dinner.
How I wished I had someone to eat dinner with.
My girls called me for our usual Friday night out but this time, Senoa was going to come only to wait for her husband who was going to be closing late. Fafa said her baby wanted to hang out tonight with the boys and she wanted to go too.
I simply had to call off our Night out. It was obvious. They were all going to abandon me to go be with their hubbys. Sometimes, I get the feeling that, they only showed up in order not to disappoint me or perhaps out of empathy. Well, yes. Single of the three girls I've known since I was eighteen. I love those girls though.
Well I can't blame them. At thirty five, I could not be dependent on my girlfriends to meet my emotional needs.
So I ate dinner alone whilst peering at people. Of course I admired the ones who came with their beloved. I just wish I had a boyfriend to even eat dinner with.
I got home to an empy and quiet house as usual. 'Welcome Maam', that boring house boy greeted as always. My dogs were happy to see me but tonight, I needed more than just dogs.
As I lay in bed reflecting on the activities of the day, my big bed feels lonely. I've turned of my lights and television so I can at least think for a while, except my bedside lamp to help me update you: Sunshine Dollup.
Sunshine Dollup, I'm lonely. This loneliness is killing your girl. Didn't think I would be laying in bed alone at an age when my mates are busily trying to be called Mummy.
I would love a cuddle right now. Even a foot rub and just to lay in the arms of a masculine figure.
Well no. Poor me. I'm all alone. Just me, my bed, these teddy bears: still can't tell why I keep them and you: Sunshine Dollup who does nothing but to listen all day and all night without judging me. Why can't you cuddle me?
Why can't you?
The night is quiet. My house feels like a tomb. My life though I've achieved much, is boring. Oh how long would I have to wish and dream. How long until I wrinkle and hit menopause. Its scary. I have teary eyes having to bare my soul to you tonight Sunshine Dollup.
I'll just lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. ............
Novel taster, I call it. Stick with me as the story unfolds.
This is for beautiful Millie and for every single sister who can relate to this situation.
Sometimes people stay up all night long for various reasons. Some are unable to sleep, some find the night a more appropriate time to think through issues, others stay up with thoughts of worry flooding their minds. Burdened with every day issues to deadly diseases.
Sometimes, sleep just won't come. Perhaps, due to exhaustion and for no reason at all. When you stay up all night long, remember the story of Peter who said to Jesus that he had searched all night and had not made a catch. There's one major lesson we can draw from that story. Staying up all night long will not bring an answer to that question, neither would it bring a solution till you realise that, you cannot stay up all night long and find the answers you have been searching for by yourself.
Whatever it is, your sorrow, your doubts, your fears, hurt, disappointment etc cannot disappear because you stayed up all night long till you have learned to trust someone. Peter said: '...but according to your word....'
All I know is, that night was when he made his biggest catch ever.
I don't know what you are going through but I know that, if you'll learn to trust someone and let go off your net for once, he will make sure your troubles sink deeper in the waters whilst filling that empty net with all that your heart desires.
Next time, you end up staying up all night long due to worry or anxiety, don't forget that, there's someone waiting to sink them down the waters whilst working things out for you. Hold on!!
Do you know, there are some rural children in Ghana who can barely speak, understand or read English? Yet they still have to sit for the same B.E.C.E as other city pupils?
These rural children deserve to be able to read and speak English too
The joy of childhood must not be lost
The rural child in Ghana deserves to enjoy their childhood too
The Cuties Readerfeast team, a foundation dedicated to helping a rural child read will be in one of its three chosen communities for a Readerfeast (Read and Feast), dubbed: 'Cuties Read A Book Fete.'
Date: Saturday 2nd May, 2015.
Time:11am
Venue: Awudome Anyirawase, a village near Ho
We would love your support: books for children, food, drinks, water, cash etc.
Together, lets help a rural child to read.....
Still waiting for your donations: email cutiescreation@yahoo.com, Whatsapp, sms or call 0265921646 to send in your donations. Thank you.
Sometimes people are too quick to judge others.
People do not even take their time to find out why others behave or act the way they do. You've got to walk a mile in their shoes to be able to understand them.
I went to the bank around Makola because it was a Saturday and it was one of the few branches which worked on weekends. From the bank, I decided to go shopping since I was already around Makola market. Couldn't believe I had decided to go shopping when I could barely walk. I walked slowly taking all the time in the world irrespective of where I was. To my surprise, I heard one of the market women ask:'how can a small girl like you be walking like an old lady.' I just gazed at her and walked on. I heard another say behind me:' I think she has a problem with her legs.' I did not bother waiting to listen to their conversation so can't really tell what conclusion they came to.
I had some shopping to do and thats all that mattered. That same night, I had to attend a party. Despite making my date aware of my condition, he still didn't mind hanging out with me and I did not want to disappoint him. At the party, I sat at one place forever because I could not stand up by myself. Yet my date kept introducing me...I could not dance or do anything but every other person could. Yet, some girls stole the chance to gossip. Yes sure, women....'Who asked you to come if you can't walk. You're scared your man will end up with another girl...' Wow! I thought. What a weird way to think.
It struck my mind immediately, how we are quick to condemn or judge people without trying to find out what situation they may be in. I'm even guilty of the same thing but I guess I learned after my experience. Those market women, did not know me or my story. Neither did they know why I was limping on all legs. Obviously, they could not have asked me. Nothing showed I was ill. No not my face or skin and my legs were all covered up because of the leggings I was wearing. Perhaps if my legs had been exposed, it would have helped them better.
As for the girls at the party, they could obviously see that my legs were sick from the way I walked and how unusually fat my legs looked in the shorts jumpsuit that I wore. I mean for my size I guess it was obvious. How I could not get up by myself not to even get a drink and was being aided to walk might have said it all. Yet to them, people with sickly legs should be at home, on bed rest and not partying. My presence at the party automatically told them just one thing: I was there to check my man. Hilarious!
That's how quick we are as human beings to judge:to form one's opinion of something without taking our time to find out what exactly may be the problem.
This happens daily. It happens all the time, most people do it but, the next time you decide to judge someone, may I ask: if you can try walking just a mile in the persons shoes? Can you walk a mile in that married woman's shoes? Just to find out why she is so possessive and jealous when you go near her husband? Can you walk a mile in that man's shoes ? Just to find out why he is so paranoid and doesn't trust women, before you decide to judge him?
If you can't walk a mile in my shoes, Don't you dare judge me!!
If you can't walk a mile in my shoes, don't judge me!
If you can't walk a mile in their shoes, don't judge them!
When everyone goes to a party with girls who can dance and walk, you show up with a limping girl, who can't dance.. Or can barely walk....... I kept teasing you about it, your smile said it all: 'I want to get up, I want to sit down, I want a drink, I want to go out...' I dey worry, I'm aware..thank you. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive throughout these few days.
There are some books you read
You can never stop reading
You want to read them over and over again.
There are some sweets you eat
They stain your teeth forever
There are some roads you walk
You never want to stop walking
Not even after learning all the curves, potholes and ramps on it
You can never get tired or bored walking on the same road
There are some songs you sing and want to sing for the rest of your life
There are some dances you do
And want to do over and over again
There are some songs you learn to sing and end up singing forever....
I'll keep reading your book till I can read it without looking into it
I'll keep eating that sweet till no amount of brushing it off can take away the stain
I'll keep walking that road till I can walk on it with my eyes closed
I'll do that dance and sing that song again and again.
I'll walk the longest mile to be with you
I'll climb the highest mountain to get to you.
There are some faces you see
and always remember
They become like images in your minds' eye
There are some people you meet
and can never forget
They touch your life in special ways
They teach you sweet and bitter lessons
They build you up and make sure all you do is smile
They make you forget your flaws
and scars
I'm not perfect
I make mistakes too
I don't have a flawless skin
I have scars too
I'm not the most gorgeous of all of them
Yet
You say I'm perfect, great, with beautiful skin and the most gorgeous of all..
You say I'm such a beautiful soul
You say I'm such a damsel
You say my heart is green
You say my smile is refreshing
You say my voice is like sunshine
Like rain...
You say my eyes are beautiful
You keep showing me off to the whole world:
You keep posting my photos
You keep mentioning my name
Above all
You keep making me feel special
When I ask what I did to deserve such a special person like you,
You stare at me and tell me:
I'll starr you in my next life:
I starred you yesterday, I'm starring you today and I'll starr you again tomorrow because
My Lily is a queen
Queen Lily
Lily Fields
Its my script,
My movie:
Starring you...
Lily Fields ....
Damn the prevailing circumstances,
I'll starr you again and again
My Lily Fields.
Sometimes you go searching for flowers and find gems instead. Sometimes you just go ice-cream tasting and get addicted to strawberry :)
What can you do.......
This is for Lala and Blay.
A bird singing
Mash April
Singing and flying from house to house
Dancing to its glorious tune
From tree to house
From mountain to river
Singing a morning hymn that only
those who sing can comprehend its meaning
Mash April
Clap clap clap
Clap your hands
Dance dance dance
Dance to the beat
Sing sing sing
Sing along
Mash April
Clap your hands, sing along and dance
April baby
April goddess
April gem
April flower
April quirky
April calm
Sweet April
Mash April
Lets write a love story
Like you and August did through mother February with the aid of Father September years ago
This time I will be the muse
Love is here
April love
Mash April
Make a wish
Blow your candles
Cut your cake
Take a dance
Pop the champagne
Take your first kiss
Feel the sweetness
Love is in the air
Mash April
Aprillllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Long time, no blogging :)
Yesterday, God used a certain man I did not know, had never seen or spent more than five minutes with to bless me. I had been praying about it and he came through for me in less than thirty minutes. God bless that man, as you looked at me and decided to show me kindness when you had no idea I needed it, God bless you and make you laugh for the rest of your life: may you never know sorrow in this life...amen.
I would like to say thank you to everyone for the show of love yesterday. The funny part : the hospital calling to wish me well. Love you guys at Resolve Medical Center though you freak me out. Thank you for the status updates, the display pictures, the calls, the gifts, the well wishes and the prayers. This year, someone wrote me an essay: Hahahahah. ...now let me have a good laugh. Didn't know I possessed such qualities. Advice well noted. Thank you for the essay but I loved it.
Someone thought I deserved a surprise mini party: cooked for me, invited friends, hid them and had them.......me till my pants were soaked, popped champagne and made me laugh so hard. You caught me off guard. From December till now, you and your friends have always made me feel special. Yesterday, you made me feel special as well. For every single minute that you have made me feel special, may God who made the heaven and the earth make you special amongst men all the days of your life. I really appreciate the effort and time. Thank you.
Some other person thought I deserved a treat.
Thank you for the cake.
For the beautiful.....which I really appreciate. God bless you.
Thank you to my little sister. You act like I'm your celeb. At least wait till I become one before you show me off to the world but you won't listen.
The only mad girl I know, who started treating me like a celeb a week before 7th April, mad girl, thank you.
Apparently, I had been taking money from someone for Pizza since April began all in the name of....., thank you.
I really appreciate all the love from all of you yesterday.
Thanks everyone.
