Another Chance -'Love Gone To Sleep'

She stood there, her vision   blurred from the tears that welled up in her eyes.
Her legs wobbled   and her body was threatening  to fail her. She was spent from crying. She could feel  her insides hurt. A look at the white rose she held gave her goose bumps. Clifford    was leaving   her.

It felt like she was having  an out of body experience . She wished she  possessed   the ability  to   leave her body and make it sleep forever instead. Her heart   felt like   a   knife  had been   put through it. She watched   as darkness   engulfed her world .  Gradually,  the clouds turned black  and the clock stopped   ticking. At least   it had not ticked in her world for a while now. Clifford  had left her.

Love was cruel.
Clifford broke his   promise   to   her.
He walked   out on her.
He turned   his back on her.

Her mind went back   to   when he had   walked  her down   the   aisle .  Though she had been   young, she felt safe with him.
He had looked   very   handsome in his black tuxedo  towering over her as they faced   each other   to say their vows. Her heart had   raced as he made her, his to have and to hold. Now she could recall there was a part that said 'until death do us apart.'

The tears streaked   down  her cheeks  and she wanted   to disappear just then. Oh  Lord she thought   to herself before she felt the  grip on her waist   tighten.

'Mummy....'
Sonia called. Rudely interrupting her thoughts.

They had been   singing 'Abide with me.'

Nana Akua felt a cold rush of air wash over her.
She felt someone rub her back from behind as she put an arm each around her two daughters. It must have been one of her sisters.  Sonia let go of her waist.

'When other helpers fail
And comfort  flee
Help of  the   helpers
O abide with  me...'

'You have   crossed   your finish line
Now the angels   await you   this minute to welcome you to sleep in the Lord till   the   resurrection   when we shall be reunited with you our   son, brother, husband ,  father and friend.
Goodnight Clifford Khardi...In the name of almighty  God the father , the son and the   Holy   Spirit . ......Amen'

'Amen.'
The crowd  shouted and then the sealing of the   tomb  began.  Darkness lingered on like never before.  Her love, her bestfriend, her biggest fan, the only man she had ever loved dressed in white tuxedo, looking   like he was sleeping   lay in a casket and put in a tomb .  Not her Clifford.

'Mummy...' Isla called as she threw the rose onto the   casket.
Reminding her Mum to do same too.
Sonia threw her rose onto the casket with   so much   reluctance and then Nana Akua.

'Rest easy   my love'  She whispered.  The   sealing of   the  tomb  commenced as mourners began   to   leave  the graveyard one after the   other .  Nana  Akua  didn't   want   to   leave but her sister   took her right hand  to walk   her to the   parking   lot. She saw Frazier put an arm each around  her daughters whilst  they looked on as the tomb was being sealed .  Maya wouldn't   let her stand   there and   acccording   to   tradition, she could not be there whilst the tomb was being   sealed.

The walk to the parking   lot was quiet with people   interrupting   them once a while  to   say hello and express their condolences. She spotted Clifford's   Mum getting  into their car.

She sat in the   passenger's   seat  as Maya drove out of the private cemetary. Maya   turned on the radio as she rested her head  against   the   seat and let down   tears she had   been   holding   up on their   walk to  the   parking   lot. No matter   how much   Maya tried distracting   her sister to prevent   her from   crying, she failed.

She touched her sister's  arm, taking her hand  whilst driving to reassure her that it would be okay. She would have joined   her younger sister to cry but she needed to be strong. Even  as her sister cried a million   tears for her love that   was now laying  in a casket beneath a tomb. Her  world   had just   crumbled down  in her full glare  but they still asked her to be   strong.

'How could  he do   this   to me ?
What am I  supposed   to   do with   the   girls ?
How do we live.....'

She cried out loud.

'Oh God grant me strength .
Grant me strength . ..
Grant me strength now that   my love has gone   to   sleep.'

'Nana he   will take care   of you....'
Maya   assured   her.

Excerpts from  'Another   Chance '

Puppishgirl   blogspot   is two years. I want to thank   everyone   for   reading. Without   you, there would be no Puppishgirl. I appreciate   all of you. Silent readers and the ones who dare to send private messages  as well as post comments. In ernest, I   almost   forgot  about it till someone   reminded me. Thanks everyone!!

Fly Butterfly Fly.....

I have  had to love my butterfly.
The first butterfly I ever adored......

Today, we both   agreed to begin this walk together .

We hold  hands and tag   each other  along.
Time to love.
Time time   to   heal the wounds and mend broken   pieces.
Don't   hate me for this step .
I tried hard to let you   see...
Fly butterfly fly....
Fly butterfly fly  ....
Fly to encircle my world with love...

Kofi and I had not seen each other in seven years.
We had constantly   kept in touch. Don't   get me wrong ,  we weren't   best friends who spoke on a daily or weekly   basis but he was just   one of the few people   who remembered   my birthday   without   having   to   see a post on social media.

We grew up together .  He used to be my best friend   turned boyfriend   and then  enemies   at some   point. We stopped   talking   for   a few days but well  he just   wouldn't   let go. So miles away, we kept   in   touch   and he would   send me some money from time to time. We weren't   in a relationship. Each time, the topic   came up I would   ask him to wait   till we met in person .

It's weird how it's   been seven long years yet seeing him felt   like  he had  always   been  there. Nothing   had   changed . Tonight ,  we revisited   the   past. Kofi felt hot all of a sudden   even   with   the   air condition   on. He hated the idea. I on the other   hand   felt a need to revisit the   past if we had to work on us.

I had been   looking   forward   to   seeing or hearing from you Fr.......mer. At least a text to let me know   that   we still stood the chance of being at least friends. For me, it has   been   a long wait. I can't  seem to tell what   you   would   do next. It feels   like   you   are   happy  where   you   are .
For me, it has been  picking and throwing   pebbles  along the street. No pebble has suited my purpose....

I have  had to love my butterfly.
The first butterfly I ever adored......
Fly butterfly fly....
Fly butterfly fly  ....
Fly to encircle my world with love...

Challenging week for me but I'm  glad I pulled   through.  This piece   is for the person   who wanted to kill me with sixteen scoops of ice-cream. ...You mentioned my write up would be about you....well my muse, welcome home.....

Oh This World!

Most people are living with life threatening conditions and hoping it gets better. Some claim to have been told by their spiritual fathers not to adhere to doctors advice as that might push them to an early grave. Others would rather resort to other means of healing instead of the one we all know.

It is not wrong to seek the face of God in such instances. Infact personally I would put God first but when  the diagnosis has been made, the first thing to keep you going would be to seek  continuous medical care. If you are so spiritual, it is okay to find out what God says about your situation. Infact that's the way to go but after that,  do what you have to do: seek proper medical care. No one can make decisions for you: yes people can advice but you know what, if they haven't been through what you are going through, you are speaking with the wrong people.  Except the person is above you (You know what I mean). Again make sure you are speaking with the right person.

I'm tired of hearing my Pastor said that,
My Pastor said that....
Yes your Pastor did but what is he doing to help you feel well? It is good to apply faith but a few months ago, I learned that sometimes we should not cut out other possibilities in the process.The faith process does not only mean sitting down and waiting for a miracle to happen. It is a whole walk. Sometimes the only way you can get better is through the cuts and needles with God going ahead. Sometimes you need to go the extra faith mile to get healed.
Don't you shut out other options.

I am deeply saddened by the news of the death of someone. I knew you to be ablaze for Jesus. I still recall the day when I had just gotten home.  You opened my gate saying you had a dream about me and wanted to  share it with me.
I had seen you around but had never spoken with you. It felt weird but I still listened and thanked you for sharing your dream with me. I exhibited a sign of humility according to you and when you reiterated that the solution was in Christ, I did not challenge you but rather considered the option you provided.
I felt the presence of God that evening and enjoyed fellowshiping with you guys.
Since then, our conversations were centered around Christ. I remember how you encouraged me to view my work in the house of God as  an opportunity to serve when I was new at my current church.  You told me I was new in that church but I was  not new in Christ. Again if the zeal you had for the things of Christ was still there, what can separate you from him? If sickness did not, not death either.  You got so depressed at the expense of people, you appeared as unfriendly but I knew you from way back. This thing made you have split emotions.  You must have gotten tired. Your pain must have been unbearable.  Henceforth, there shall be no more pain or sorrow nor weeping. God has wiped your tears away, you have left this world behind.  I know you are singing as you journey on. Oh this world... Today,  I learn another crucial lesson.  My hope will keep being in the Lord. Go on...Sleep with the Lord. ..You are just sleeping, your tears are over.

In My Pain Web

Pain  can be described as mental  suffering: distress or a highly unpleasant physical pain caused by illness or injury. It is an inevitable part of the human race: everyone would go through it at one point or  another. It is true that some people will never know that thing called pain though.  Pain isn't determined or controlled by anyone eventhough pain can be avoided. 

Lets  focus briefly on  pain as mental suffering or distress. When one fails in life, is disappointed, betrayed or loses a loved one amongst others, they go through some form of distress. One of the things that causes distress to both sexes especially the female sex is being disappointed by a partner. Whatever goals the relationship held, one is bound to be the victim of the pain caused by the effect or turn out of the relationship.

How do you react to the  pain of the loss of a dear one? Alive or gone to the land of the dead....Some women take a longer time to brood over the being disappointed bit but we all react differently to pain. The duration or time one takes to heal is really relative dependent on several factors.

A few years ago,  I  wrote 'Pain Web.' Someone had caused me pain but in my situation, it was more of what I stood to gain than the person involved.  Don't get me wrong, we all have goals and sometimes, it is always better to let go of the person involved when there has been a betrayal.  Well, I'm a church girl so I sought  revenge from the word of God. I constantly reminded God of his word. I could not revenge, he had to do it for me. I believe the best form of revenge is when the people who betrayed and caused you a fortune,  end up becoming inseparable.  They both would have to bear the load, I think. This would be a topic to be explored some other day.

When I wrote 'In My Pain Web' the goal at the time was to share it with people faced with a similar challenge.  It was until recently that sharing the stuff I write isn't a priority because writing has become therapeutic for me sometimes.  So it isn't everything I write that I get to share. In writing,  you do not get criticised.  My laptop or tablet cannot ask me questions.  I write what I want and so do you.
I got to a point where I had to forgive and wrote them down including the times when I would cry and give God reasons I could not forgive the people who had hurt me.

I found out in that time of distress that usually,  the people who hurt us don't even know.
Only a few are that sensitive to know or realize it. That's when they come back to ask for our forgiveness but sometimes they do not know or deliberately choose to ignore and overlook any hurt caused us though in reality apologising would make our burden lighter. So we can't always sit and wait for them to apologize.
Sometimes it will never happen.
Yet, the more we hold on, the more we hurt ourselves.

I have seen on television and heard stories of people who kept others in their pain web: the torment and torture it caused both parties.  At other times, the keeper:whoever is holding someone in their pain web is able to reach his or her goals yet the person being kept has had to go round only to discover the cause of their problem: restitution, just an apology away. It taught me a lesson.

Why I call it a web.
A web because in that web, you can keep one person. You can keep five, ten you name it. It keeps enlarging yet it comes back to one person: 'You.' The one who keeps hurting and constantly keeps thinking about the source of your distress when they are obviously moving on.
So in there, you can choose to keep ten people but what would that yield to?

Sometimes, as hard as it may seem we have got to let go. As much as it hurts we have got to work on us: yes that takes a lot of effort especially when the person causing us the pain is enjoying themself elsewhere.  It doesn't matter, still learn to let go. Seek help if you can't do it by yourself.  Remember it takes time so don't rush it. Allow yourself to go through it every step of the way. It is the only way you would get better. In the end, make sure you free 'You' so you can experience the beauty of life again.

If you are in the habit of causing people distress through your actions, if you have ever caused anyone pain, did you take steps to alleviate the person's pain or you drowned yourself in your new world so much that you forgot how the other person was feeling.  Truly you need to be in a person's situation to know how they feel. You know what to do. It will not stop the person from hurting, it will not bring back whatever the person lost but if there's something called a pain web, it would certainly help.

Are you hurting due to someone's actions or inactions, in your pain, find yourself again. In grieving, get up, chase your dreams again.  Pain is temporary, but being in someone's pain web can have long term implications.  You don't want to get there.  The sun will shine again....in your distress, may you find a glitter of hope to help you out of that pit.

This piece is for 'You' who is going through some form of distress right now. Hoping you let go of the people in your pain web so you can see the beauty of life again. 

Taken...

Sunday was  Valentine's day. May I ask what you did? How was your celebration? 

Well for a start, I went to church.
It was awesome. Napped for a while and then at half six my girlfriends and I began our little celebration.  We were not going to  rely on dudes to dictate the pace and celebration of our day. To us it was a perfect time to have a little girl time. First place we went to was so crowded.We had meant it to be a pizza night, so we opted to go to Champs. It was cozy in there as we chatted over drinks and pizza (No alcohol). Just talking gibberish and watching people (Couples).

Well, what else was there to do.
No single dude in this city came out alone.
Everyone had a woman for the day. Honestly, I'm hoping it lasts beyond just some celebration.

In my opinion, I beg to differ though,  Valentine's day can be every day. I don't have to wait till 14th February to give my dream boy gifts or take him out. I could do that any day. I've read posts by lots of people who probably assumed they were taken until 14th February.  They sounded disappointed and some have vowed to move on without people who always disappoint.

Well, trust me, the single women had the best celebration. Firstly they didn't have to wait for gifts from any one. Secondly since their happiness didn't depend on any dude, their day was just another day so they could not be set up for disappointment like those who apparently thought they had been taken only to find out that, whoever they must have thought had taken them had their eyes fixated on either someone else or just didn't think they deserved a treat or perhaps were just not for the celebration.

Whichever way,taken or single, I hope you had a memorable celebration because my girls and I did.  I hope you didn't get up to anything that would mar your relationship or disrupt your life in the months ahead.
Hope you went easy on yourself, it wasn't a world cup tournament.  It was just just a day to celebrate whether taken or not.

It's my Alice's birthday today.
What can I say?
I wish you several  more celebrations ahead....

Write Your Paper

When it is exams time, you see lots of people rushing to get seated. It just occurred   to me that whether I rush or not, I would have   to go sit for the paper because my seat would still be vacant and my paper reserved for me. It doesn't   matter how long it takes to get there, it is an exam I cannot   miss. Whoever gets seated first does not   mean he automatically   makes an 'A.'

So is this race called life. The fact that people   go ahead of others doesn't   mean  all of them would make an impression. Some would,others won't.  There are people who have gone ahead but have not made any significant impression. There are others who get there later and   earn a medal for standing tall.

Don't   be carried   away by the rushing of the people to get there. If you   are still single at thirty five and are looking back   and thinking,  that   one dude was your   chance   to  become a wife yet it slipped  you   by and so there can never   be   another   chance,  you are getting   it all wrong. Your paper has  been  reserved   for only you. If when   it was time for you   to   earn that million   dollar   contract, it was handed to your  competitor and you   are thinking   there would   never   be   another   chance, your paper has been   reserved   for you . Stop thinking   someone took it away from you.

Whatever   it is you feel you   have   missed   out on, no matter   the  circumstances , your paper: is still   waiting. Prepared for you , reserved for   you. No matter    how long it takes, no one in this world can write that paper for you.

Wake up,
dress up,
look on the brighter side: the sun is still shining.
Go take that seat and write your   paper : make sure you make an 'A.'
Write your paper!!

In The Queue

Today, I cast my gaze around at the customers who queued awaiting their turn to be  served. One by one:one after the other, they were attended to. It didn't matter whether you were the first to arrive.  They all got the same level of attention  and walked out the door satisfied. It struck my mind immediately how sometimes we have to wait in the queue for so long to get to our destination.

Often, the first and second in the queue are envied by those at the middle or even the tail end. We begin to wish we had joined the queue earlier, yes if we had, it would have been our turn too. I have just come to realize that no matter the long wait, no matter where you stand in the queue, you will still reach your goal provided you keep being in the queue.

Whilst in the queue, patience and persistency  are key virtues you can't do without.  If you end up walking away before it's your turn, it will never get to your turn. If you get distracted by the crowd beside the queue and wander about, it would never get to your turn. If you let the heckling and disappointments from people make you turn on your heels and run off, you will never get there.

  Such is the race of life. We will all get to our destination anyway. We will all get there no matter what. It doesn't matter if you are the first in the queue. We will all get there. This is a fact of life, your time will come. You will be tendered to but are you ready whilst in the queue?















Enjoy your   weekend!!

#God's favourite girl
#The dream lives on
#On the way to wearing that uniform
#Late but there at last
#My God did this