I have heard women talk about working in male dominated professions but it never for once occurred to me that I would find myself working in an all male dominated team some day. Even before I joined the team, I was told this would be the first time a female joins the team since its inception..well. My zeal was what stood out for me and so I did not think about how I would fare among the guys.
It didn't seem a big deal working among males as I fitted in as best as I could getting used to male conversations from soccer to girls. Initially they would talk in awe of a female presence and then gradually, the fences broke down and the female presence became another of the boys when they had to talk. I honestly did not see anything wrong with it, my presence did not have to change the tone of their conversation.
Sometimes their arguments got so loud it attracted people from other offices who often thought there was something serious going on until they came to find a group of men either arguing over soccer, politics or something and they would find me sitting there and give me the 'are you okay?' look and I would smile and then they would shut the door and go away.
When I found the topic interesting I would chip in a word or two if not I put my earpiece on and listened to something else or would just concentrate on trying to be busy on my laptop or tablet without paying attention to them.
Being the only female has its positives and it has further built up my tolerance level. The men noticed each new hairstyle, my outfit and how I even chose to package my boobs. I would hear comments like " Challe you hip your boobs today paa ohhh' and then I would respond saying " I sh3da paa." That would make them smile and that was it.
I remember when I decided to try wigcaps for the first time. My first pick, my mum's short hair. The teasing was funny and annoying. " Challe today, you look like a headmistress." For once I got home and decided the following day not to repeat the same wigcap. I ended up trying on a longer one and that they said looked really cool but not without teasing me about how their teasing me the previous day helped in informing my decision not to repeat the headmistress' wigcap.
Gradually they got used to my short skirts and skinny trousers which they initially said was an attempt by me to harass them. The word harassment gained a new meaning all of a sudden. If I stood up and decided to lean against the table, it was harassment...lol. If I walked past any of them and my skin or ass touched any of them unintentionally it was still harassment -sex appeal must obviously be the new definition for harassment.
Eating my favourite empty meal of roasted plantain with peanuts with the guys was funny - headmistress showed up where she got the best part. Hanging out with them outside the office was fun, I got to be headmistress for a few hours...
I got used to being teased for always eating cornflakes or oats with an omelette and cookies instead of bread and not being bothered to remind them that I do not eat bread. Then came the feeding bottle. I don't know when a water bottle became a feeding bottle but they claimed it looked like a feeding bottle, so I got used to drinking water from a feeding bottle.
Well, no denying I have enjoyed the attention. From being called headmistress to Mamaga meaning queen mother. Headmistress because I'm told I try to be domineering by asking everyone to keep quiet regardless of who was around from another office because I have to proofread a story.
Woe unto me if I had acne and I would be reminded of how I'm having too much sex. And if I was under the weather I would be given a brief on the benefits of sex and how I lacked sex hence my illness. So contradicting.
I got used to hearing how every man in the building was my husband and how I was such a flirt who drew guys to our office - the ones who only came to say goodmorning to me.
Didn't think my ass was a big deal but men have a way of constantly reminding you of how you have a nice ass and thighs. How being quiet the whole day can be misconstrued as something is amiss with me - like my sugar daddy refused to give me cash. Can't a sister just be quiet for a day or when I don't want to talk.....
I've enjoyed having a host of bodyguards and being teased about the guy who drives the Range Rover being my main boyfriend and the other my sugar daddy. Then there's the snooping on me bit. So I'm in that Range and I see one of the guys watching me...that day would be disastrous. I would get teased till I couldn't talk.
What I didn't know was I would not function properly if I continued to just enjoy the attention. I would not be given too much pressure because I was considered a woman. I wasn't delegated to do stuff in the heat of the moment when there was a breaking news because I'm a woman unless there was no one available. But I wanted to be noted for being the woman who was efficient at her job and not the woman who oozed sex appeal. I needed the guys to stop dulling my shine and making me lazy and comfortable instead of challenging me. I realised that would never be if I kept waiting I decided to take my own initiative a few weeks after settling in. Else I would never grow. How come no one told me before this whole thing began? Women in male dominated teams will end up not doing so much if they accepted being relegated to the 'you are vulnerable hole.'
I've been wondering if women in other male dominated fields go through that cycle where their male counterparts feel they are vulnerable so try not to burden them with too much work.
Dear woman, if you don't stand up and teach them to treat you as a colleague in the initial stages and not a vulnerable person, you'll grow lazy and not be able to hone your skills or further add to your skillset. You will marry and have children and be just another team member but not the only female, efficient and smart, up to the task.
Days on, it became obvious, I was not hired because of my beauty for this is no beauty pageant, I was hired to do the job. The praises would come and the 'why did you fly the story with that headline, there's a mistake in it.... Elly are you sure you read the story?' challenging moments will follow but that's how you grow - growth is a vital part on this journey dear woman.
I probably didn't even know I didn't show emotions until now. When I argue and fight hard with them, the next moment I'm chatting and laughing with them and I get to hear I'm not the typical female. The type who fights and stops talking to people etc. 'Lady put to the test' is what you become when you find yourself in the midst of men - the real lady in you is revealed. I'm tempted to quote BB King when he says 'the most beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.'
What I also didn't know was the 'fact' that any part of my body could be touched at any time. How do you expect me to get used to my boobs being touched and told it wasn't deliberate just in an attempt to draw my attention to an omission in a story.
Hell broke loose. The headmistress in me was awakened: friendly but stern. How do I explain that I came to work not to be exploited or I need you all to stop seeing me as a female and view me as one of you but you cannot touch me?
I also didn't know it meant men outside my team hugging me forcefully and being told it's because I smell good. Since when did smelling good become an offence punishable by hugging? How do I explain you can't hug or touch me until I give you my consent?
Oh womanhood. How do you get these men to understand that there are days I don't want to be touched at all by anyone or except by the one I want to be touched by? How do I explain I could end up slapping someone? How do I explain 'don't touch me?' Oh Womanhood!
I love working among males but they didn't tell me this part of it....about how it feels to be the only woman.....
This is for:
The guys I call 'my bodyguards' 'my hypocrites'
The best teamleader ever who says but 'Elly you know we'll once a while touch you accidentally' so please...
....but seriously the next time anyone touches me, I'm calling the
To all women who can call themselves ' the only among the guys' doffing my scarf to you!
Photo source: Google Photos
