YOU DESERVE BETTER, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Deal with your baggage when it comes along 

Speak up when the baggage is overbearing 

When people disappoint you, deal with it

When people mess with your heart and emotions 

Bleed, and heal

When your hubby or boyfriend cheats on you,

Make sure you cry and work on your self esteem 

When those you love die,

Make sure you cry, grieve and heal properly 

When menstruation, childbirth, endometriosis, cyst, fibroids depress you as a woman,

Seek the appropriate help

And make sure you heal properly 

Don't just carry your baggage 

One day, the baggage will be too heavy

Heavy and overbearing 

Overbearing for your heart and mind

You'll start enjoying being alone

You'll neglect your body

Abandon those things that used to give you pleasure 

And drown in a dark world

You may drown completely and never come back

Today is the time to slap people who cause you pain

Spit in their faces if it makes you feel better

Rant and scream if it makes you feel better 

Cry all you can, just make sure you cry

Let it out

But never bottle it in

Don't let the baggage of womanhood turn you into a baggage tomorrow because of unresolved conflicts 

Take care of yourself 

Dear Woman, you must value yourself enough to walk away from verbal abuse and other things that affect your mental health when you can

Don't wait till tomorrow to suffer

Don't do that to yourself 

You deserve better!

Photos Source:Pinterest 

ELEVEN IVFS: WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO KEEP FIGHTING

                                                      ' Because life has thrown at me a fight

                                                       a fight only those who engage in can understand

                                                       a fight you engage in to win 

                                                       a fight you have to lose in order to win 

                                                       life's fight

                                                       silent battles

                                                       unseen tears

                                                       a struggle for life's necessities

                                                       a fight you engage in to win

                                                       a fight you have to lose in order to win

                                                       one day, the battle will be won

                                                       when you fight to win and fight no more.....'

                                                                 ...PUPPISHGIRL...

I didn’t really know much about the former Nigerian Beauty Queen and  Pastor Ibidunni Ighodalo, until I read her story on CNN, a few hours after her death. I did some more research on her.

   

I could not believe a certain woman, went through eleven IVFs just to be able to be called ‘Mummy’, eventually got pregnant once and suffered a miscarriage. She finally adopted two children to make her marriage of thirteen years complete (as society would rather have it).

                                           Ibidunni Ighodalo

In an interview with Arise Television, Ibidunni said:“It's such a rollercoaster... It's emotionally draining. It's very expensive... I stopped living and I was just existing....”

“The last one I did worked. I had a set of twins but I had a miscarriage at three months. That was very traumatic, it's one thing to not get pregnant and it's another thing to eventually get pregnant ... and you lose it.”

For her 40 th birthday which would have fallen on July 19, she had planned to help 40 couples faced with the challenge of childlessness be able to have babies too. This evening, while reading Rachel Hollis’ ‘Girl, wash your face.’ it dawned on me that, the life of this woman was filled with lessons. Lessons I could not learn during her existence on earth, but lessons we can all draw from going forward.

 Sometimes, we give up on life too soon. We throw in the towel on our dreams, we stop trying, we stop living. This woman lived and tried 11 times. How many times have you tried and failed at that thing you thought would make your life complete?  People actually stop living when they are diagnosed with a terminal illness, like they have been sentenced to death. Others stop living when they lose something valuable and have to begin all over again, do you have the fighting spirit and urge, to try again and again till the eleventh time?

Also, how many times haven’t we thought as human beings that not having something or reaching a status that society expects us to be, means we’re failures and would do everything even if it meant committing or engaging in illegality to acquire that thing? It isn’t every time you want something that you must have it, through the prescribed route.

Sometimes, you will have to get it via other means. So if you are waiting to have a child, and it isn’t happening, there is always the option of adoption. While you wait for your miracle, why don’t you light up someone else’s life? Be a light to some child in some orphanage who needs a mother or father, or perhaps, adopt that little boy in your family, who lost his dad or that child whose parents have too many offspring, they forget he also matters.

Another significant thing to note about Ibidunni’s story is that, no matter how you pray, wait and try, sometimes, God would bring your miracle in a way you least expect it to happen. There are times, you will never see the glory of the Lord in the way you expect. People have been ill and got the best of treatment and care and prayed that they pulled through to live a normal life again. Yet, there have been times, when they slipped through to the other world and then those they leave behind cry so much and wonder why it happened. The lesson here is that sometimes, healing does not come to us physically, sometimes, your healing actually comes when you are absent from the body and at rest and present with your maker-Deedei Adu’s book, ‘Love that will not let me go’ which I read at a younger age, told a similar story of healing in another form away from the body.

Another lesson from Ibidunni’s life is for spouses especially men, to let their wives fly. Often, in our part of the world, majority of men have felt intimidated by the success of their wives. They would rather pull them down, than stay beside them as ‘steps’ on which they can climb to reach the top. “A man has to be the head, the winner and the star of the family no matter what,” it is often thought. What we forget is, he was created to lead his woman in marriage, and not necessarily be the only star in the family. 

 Ibidunni’s brother inlaw stated at her funeral that: “We were brought up to let our spouses fly, because our father let his wife fly….” And her husband let her fly. Nigeria’s leading Event Planner, founder of a foundation helping women pull through moments of childlessness and overcome the trauma. It was evident in her final moments, as she died in her hotel room, while decorating a COVID-19 isolation centre.  She had helped lots of women have their IVF and finally have children too. Every time, she came up with something she wanted to do and would take the funds from her husband to do so.  He didn’t mind, his only duty by her was to be supportive and let her explore. But how many men actually let their wives fly in reality? 

Some men have their priorities in marrying women achievers, and feed off them-it’s peaceful waiting for her to cater to all your needs instead of getting something to call theirs. Others would for the sake of their ego, marry them and ensure that they stop them from flying. So if you were a Civil Engineer or doctor before he married you, because he came to the table fulfilled and an achiever too, he would find a way to get you to become a stay-at –home mum. Only a few men, confident in their skin let their women fly lest she gets rebellious and call the shots.  This woman’s husband was a total support system who let his wife fly. How many men would let their wives try IVFs 11 times and still fail?

By the fifth time, he would be looking for other alternatives, if he isn’t sterile. There are women outside, who would readily make him babies. This was a man who understood his woman and her needs-having her own baby would make her fulfilled so he would rather try to make her happy than just let it go. How many men still stick and stay, without having other relationships outside wedlock or ‘illegitimate children’ as you would refer to them legally and still watch her fly?

I’m sure like every marriage, they had their ups and bad days but Ibidunni’s brother did mention that, his sister would choose the widower even in her next life, to be her husband, and so would her family choose him again as a son or brother inlaw.  Too many times, we don’t leave people with memories and reasons to choose us again. We end relationships on a bad note, we are at loggerheads with relations, we quit our workplaces on a bad note-we live our lives like we would never cross paths with the people we leave behind again. We treat our spouses and significant other so badly. We scar the people we meet in our life’s journey. We miss the opportunity to make others smile or lend a helping hand when we can. We fail to let the people who matter to us know how much they mean to us, until we can see them no more. Are we giving people a reason to choose us again if they had the chance?

Then who are we personally? What are we doing to leave a memorial behind? I have come to realise that when you leave this world it is over for you, here-this took a while to really sink in properly. When Dela went away, it’s been two years already, I used to remember her every single day, then I went from daily to perhaps twice every week to a month to once a while. God has a way of making us forget our pain and then we eventually learn to live without them. So what you do while you are here really matters. Those things will make the world remember you when they visit your legacies.

 Really, we have just this life that we’re all so much aware of. Nobody knows what really happens after we leave here, but I’m sure you would want to leave nothing, but memories and legacies for the world to still refer to, after you are gone. Whichever way, you choose to do it; write a book, start a foundation to champion a cause, be a volunteer at something, light up the lives of people around you, be a star for the people whose world is filled with darkness. 

When life throws at you, a fight and all you have to do is to keep fighting, giving up is not an option. Remember the story of the eleven IVF attempts!

 Photo Source: Google Photos

COVID-19 IS REAL, STOP BEING CARELESS!

I had been well all day, except that by evening, I felt I was catching a cold. This cold had been lingering on all week when I went to the office after being away for a while, only to meet 2 colleagues with a severe cold  sneezing and coughing. 

A mere cold I thought turned into my worst nightmare within a few hours. I became restless, I couldn't sleep. I suddenly felt very sick. I had a fever; headache, my eyes hurt. Earlier that day I noticed that they looked and hurt like apollo- conjunctivitis. The discomfort associated with it, didn't help my plight. I ended up staying up till about 3.30am. Not even the pain reliever I had taken could relieve me of how I felt.

By morning, I couldn't wake up to get ready for the day. I ended up staying in bed. By now, a look in the mirror  showed my eyes were worse. My doctor friend who always checked up on me in the mornings got the response 'I feel sick, haven't felt this sick in ages.' I explained my symptoms to him and he recommended something for me to get after empathising with me and assuring me that I would be okay. I still couldn't do anything but needed to take breakfast before taking my meds, as I was already on medication before this new feeling of sickness set in.

The cup of milo I was drinking was tasteless. I resorted to add some more milo to my cup. It still didn't taste like anything to me. Worried, I decided to taste the piccadilly biscuit I was having with Mayonnaise spread on it as I did not eat bread. You remember the popular piccadilly biscuit from Secondary school days- Sh3mema. That was tasteless as well with all the mayonnaise spread on it. The slices of pineapple had no taste as well. I finally had to ask my sister whether that biscuit was naturally tasteless, perhaps I was hallucinating. 

My thought process was becoming distorted as well. By now I began to wonder if everything was okay with me. Let me go have a lie down, I would wake up feeling better, I assured myself. Unlike during the night, when I couldn't sleep due to the intense pain and inability to catch my breath, I resorted to sleep my pain away. I must have felt relieved while sleeping for an hour or so, but woke up to the pain again.

Could this be the much-talked about COVID-19? Hell no, I can't have COVID, I haven't been in contact with anyone who has it. I can't have it, I reassured myself.  I began to google the symptoms, that of the new strain included conjunctivitis as reported by some persons. Loss of taste and smell as well and a general feeling of being sick. Don't forget the symptoms that we were already familiar with before the new variance strain. I had to check if I could smell anything, only then did it occur to me that, I had sprayed on my deodorant that morning without smelling it, I hadn't smelled anything that day. But that was normal sometimes when you had the flu or- I quickly sprayed on some perfume, I couldn't smell it. I sprayed on my favourite which I vividly could even imagine smelling in my mind on an ordinary day, not today, nothing was working.

My  friend said to go and get tested for COVID-19. Quite a war it was between us. 'Oh so you want me to get COVID right?' I asked him.

'No loss of taste and smell- those symptoms and you mentioned you haven't felt this sick in ages, I don't want you to get COVID, that's why you need to go get the test done now.' I had no appetite for food either, I ate because I had to take my meds.

We're done talking for the day. Didn't know that my friend would want me sick of nothing less than COVID-19, it baffled my mind. Don't forget I was getting kind of confused and forgetful too. After battling within me and shutting out the friend who thought because he was a doctor, could be recommending a COVID test, I sent for the medication he prescribed and began to self-isolate as he advised earlier.

By Tuesday,  reality was setting in. My friend had to justify why I needed to get the test done, not because he wished the virus upon me, but because I was showing symptoms, did not live alone and the need to get tested early in order to protect those around me. His wanting me to get tested, was for me to also get better, so I stopped overreacting. 

However, those were not days I picked calls or texted people back. I was selective with people I spoke with and wasn't mentioning I was ill. Also, I became angry with my colleagues who had a cold when I went to the office. Above all, I was  angry with people for spreading the virus. 

I was quite sure I had been masking up, washing my hands at the least thing- if you know me very well, I used to wash my hands a million times a day before COVID. A habit my siblings and I picked up from childhood growing up with a mum who was obsessed with washing her hands and would reprimand you for not washing your hands when you touched surfaces, got back home from town etc. I could use a big pack of tissue in just a day. Yes, I would get to work and wash my hands as soon as I stepped out of the car. Use a tissue to open the doors, wipe my work surface with tissue and drops of sanitizer as well as my seat, drop my bag, set up my laptop and off to wash my hands before anything else. I was quite a sight when I got to work, that, even colleagues began to mimic and tease me about it.

Story of my life for days. Not tasting anything I ate or smelling stuff. I got used to the new normal-eating to fill my tummy and not because it tasted delicious. On the journey, I would eat chocolates every hour to check if my taste was restored. I got a tall list of things I could take and do to feel better from my boss who knew people who had recovered from COVID. 

So you see, to me,  I had been taking care of myself until two weeks ago. Look, life has a way of teaching you lessons before the bigger blow- COVID-19 is no respecter of persons; age, colour, race, health status-else some people are already battling with some really serious medical conditions that this virus shouldn't even dare to get close. Yet that same virus has cut short their life's journey.

I know people who have complained about being sick, who disappear or go into hibernation for a while. They never tell you what it is, they only come back strong- no one is willing to disclose their COVID status to you. They would rather be quiet about it. Being quiet about it after you've spread the virus is wrong. You should speak up so that people can contact-trace, isolate in order to prevent further spread and get treated too. Yes, people don't care about you, but the fact that they think or heard you have COVID, would begin to regularly check up on you, because they want to be able to determine how it will affect them as persons-especially when they know they've shared the same space with you lately. That's just human nature, but all of these prevent people from disclosing their status to you. Only a few do, even our MPs aren't doing so.

To sum up, I regained my sense of smell and taste within a couple of days. Regained my appetite for food, so that I would crave for  icecream, goat light soup and my favourite Cheezzy pizza, and post it several times on my status. I felt stronger and healthier within a couple of days. 

I believe the journey to recovery lies with us, every individual and organisation has a role to play-this cannot be government's sole responsibility. Government cannot wear a nose mask for you. Government cannot wash your hands for you. 

There are people who barely wash their hands, not even COVID is making them wash their hands now. There are people who do not own hand sanitizers or have even bothered to invest in one. There are others who do not wear nose masks- regardless of the fact that you could be arrested for not wearing one. Some wear it only when they  are going to a place where they could encounter a Police man, others refuse to wear a mask due to familiarity-oh I'm getting bananas down the street. They do that whole trip without a mask forgetting that the banana seller deals with lots of people in a day and is probably not masked up. Don't mass up at events and people still do.

While you decide to flout the directive on observing the safety protocols,  remember that, you will suffer the pain alone, alone with no one. It's not a good feeling even if you experienced the mildest of symptoms or respiratory infection. Psychologically, it has a toll on you. The worse of it, should be, being in isolation and having no one hug or touch you to say you will be okay. In the hospital, you won't have visitors-incase you decide to be careless. It can get lonely and boring in isolation-think about it before endangering your life and those of others. Money cannot save you, else the prominent would not be succumbing. 

Be sensible a bit, stop being wiser than yourself. No one is immune to COVID-19, if you haven't got it yet, grace has kept you. At least if you don't care or value yourself enough to wear a mask, wash your hands or use sanitizers as and when you can, observe social distancing, think about the lives you're risking by being careless. COVID-19 is real, take care of yourself!

Photo Source: Google Photos 

MY SUGAR IS FOR SUGAR

Yes I'm a writer 

Who loves to write love poems

But I don't write love poems for people

I'm not in love with

Or for people who do not value it

When I pour some sugar

It's for sugar

My sugar is for sugar

For words spoken to someone who is unappreciative 

Of those words are mere words

Just like a gift that's given to someone who does not cherish or value it

I write for minds and hearts that treasure

The writer's efforts, time and talent

When I pour some sugar

It's for sugar

My sugar is for sugar

I write for hearts that understand and speak the language of the heart

Not for treasures stored up elsewhere 

I write a love poem  for love

My sugar pours on to sugar

Brown, white, sugar....

My sugar is for sugar

......Puppishgirl........

May I ask if  your sugar is for sugar too? 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Photo Source:Lydia Whitmore/Getty Images