Black Flowers -V

That's  how I  had  left his place  two or so hours  ago.
I was brought  back  to reality  at the  mention  of my name.
'Vesta Bilson.' I followed  the nurse  inside the doctor's  consulting  room and listened as the he held the x'ray results giving me an explanation  of my condition. I didn't  get anything  he said. Except : 
'An ordinary fall shouldn't have caused this much damage but you should be fine soon.'
What was he trying to say? That I was hiding something?  God knows I could not bear to tell this doctor the truth. It would open up a whole new chapter. I was not ready for any of that. I also did not want to lose Gad. My reputation  was also at stake here.  I had my hand put in a fiber  glass cast. Nancy  had arrived and I was grateful to have her around    as the procedure seem to hurt.

Once I  was  done, we went to get something  to eat. I had to eat with my left  hand which  was quite a struggle for me.
Nancy watched me in silence once we were done eating and went back to sit in her car so she could take me back  to  the house. 
'Were you with Nicholas?"
I nodded trying  hard not to let down the tear that was threatening   to   fall from my eyes.
'And he did this to you?'
There was a brief  moment  of silence. She must have seen the tears in my eyes, she pulled  me into an embrace  and I held on to  her for a while longer. When we finally  disengaged, she handed me a tissue  to wipe my tears and we drove in silence to the house. Nancy  sat with me for a few  minutes.
'Are you going  to  tell Gad?'
'Nancy , I   would love to tell him  at this point but I  don't  want to lose him. I don't  want to hurt him either. He doesn't  need  to know I cheated on him. For  Christ's sakes he deserves better. Please  let's  just leave  it this way. Gad doesn't  have to know.'

Nancy  was nodding  in agreement. 'Then make me a promise. Never  to see or talk  to  Nicholas  again.' My phone  began  to  ring. Nancy helped me get it out  of my  bag. She handed it to me but I didn't answer at all till the call ended. It began to ring again.
'Is it Gad? Let me speak with him.'
I shook my head to say no.
'Talk of the devil, ' I said.
Nicholas. What did he want?  We  just  stared at each other in silence .

'Never again.'
I whispered.
Nancy only nodded. The doorbell rang just then and we all sat up. Who could it be. I hope  it wasn't  Nicholas. We both stared at each  other and then back  at the door.

'What do you want?' I  screamed.
'Babes it's  me.'
My gaze fell just then. Oh God, I wasn't  ready for this. Nancy  stared at me for approval before getting  the door. It was past one in the  afternoon.
'Hi Ga-d.' 

'Hi Nancy.
How are you?'

' I'm fine.
Thanks for  asking .
How are you?'

'I'm okay, thanks.'

'Come in please  ....'

I looked up to see Gad smiling as he stepped   inside.
He walked  straight  up to me and pecked me on the left cheek. I got up to hug him and he ended up giving  me one of those hugs. I felt safe and that's  how it had always  felt hugging  him. He tried  to  disengage from the hug  but then I kept holding  on so he just held me in his arms. I was trying  so hard  not to cry. Seeing him made me feel  like a murderer.

'Guys I'm going  back to work.
See you later.'

Nancy 's voice  reminded  me that we were not alone.  I let go of Gad to sit on the couch before  we could  respond,  Nancy  was gone. I sat  on the  couch and Gad sat beside me holding  my left hand. He kissed  the back of  my palm, now I  felt like Judas  betraying Jesus, I   guess. Guilt washed  over  me. I didn't  know  where to start.

'I called  your  office  and  was told  you fell and had a fracture. I wanted to be sure you were okay."

Thank you office staff . You saved me. He believes  I fell. Can we just  leave  it that way.....I prayed silently.
'Where did it happen.?' The moment  I had  been   dreading. Was I seriously  thinking  he wouldn't  want details? Not my Gad.
'In the bathroom.
I slipped  and fell.'

'I'm sorry  to hear that'
He pulled  me into  an  embrace. Now I felt like  the cheapest  woman on planet  earth.
'It must hurt.'
I nodded in agreement.

'You'll  be fine soon.'  How on earth  could I have  this treasure and still keep  going back  to  my past. I obviously  didn't  cherish  what I  had or I was taking  what  I  had  for  granted. I didn't  want  to  lose Gad at this point. I didn't  want  to. It was this time  that I  realized  how  much I  loved Gad. Or did I   just wake up to reality?

The door  bell rang again.
Gad went to get it and brought  back a bouquet of beautiful  flowers.
He handed them to me. Gad must have ordered them and had them delivered to my place.  Okay, now I  actually  wanted  to disappear.......If he knew  what I had been  doing, he would send me black flowers,  instead  of these beautiful ones.

'They are beautiful .
Thank youuuuuu.'

I touched  them and inhaled the smell. Sweet....sweet....why was I choosing black flowers over these beautiful  ones? I just realized, I had made life difficult  for me. Holding  on to something  that hurt in the name  of addiction  instead of embracing the beautiful flowers that I   could have every day. It was time  to  stop looking  back at the black  flowers.

Photo  Credit : Women working.com

Thanks for  following  this story.
I'm afraid  I  can't  post anymore on here but will definitely  let you know how you can continue  reading.

Black Flowers IV

*****Warning**Mature Content*****

I owned my body; he didn't  own it; I owned me not him. If anyone deserved a piece of it, it was Gad.  The angel who had changed my perception  of love and had taught me in seven months that I   could be loved in every  way and not just for s**. It was my reason for not wanting  to go that mile with him. Yes, I   was coming  from a background  where I was made to think that s** was real love even when I  wasn't  being  treated well. Everything  began and ended with s**.  Every  other thing was  all abuse. Verbally, emotionally, physically   abused and the list was endless. 'God bless Gad.' I whispered, whilst  still struggling  with  the  monster.
'Stop fooling.'
He  slapped  me. The slap  only propelled me on to fight and not share my body: my beautiful  body as Gad liked to call it, with this sonofabitch.

The struggle continued. It became real and fierce  with each passing  second. Nicholas  must  have  gotten  impatient  with me.  Whilst  pinning  my hands with both hands onto the bed with him struggling  to kneel  between  my legs, I tried hard to kick him with both legs though  I was laying naked as by now he had stripped me of every physical  barrier  limiting his access to my body. I felt like  I  was being attacked  by a rapist and knew just then that I could not lose out in the strife.

'Stop fooling Vesta.'
Before I  knew it, Nicholas  was hitting  my right hand hard against  the bed. I froze. Once. Twice. Thrice. I kept screaming. I felt like  I   was going to die. He was hitting the bed with my hand like my hand was some stick or cane. By the third hit, I was in excruciating  pain and my tears were all over the place.
'Sorry .'
I kept on crying  as his naked body sat beside me on the bed looking on. 
'Sorry.'
What could  sorry  do now? I  could  not  move  my right hand.

I kept  crying  for God knows  how  long. Life was punishing  me for all my sins: for cheating  on  an innocent  man. Life was punishing me for still following  Nicholas  who obviously  did not like me, not one bit. Life was screaming  at me to wake up to reality and stop dining with the devil but life could have taught me this in another  way. Why did it have  to  be  on  this painful path? I thought  Nicholas would give up. Yet,  as soon as he realized  I had let my guard down, he jumped  on me and began afresh. Sucking on my boobs even in my distress like I owed him  s** whilst  I lay there just watching, never moving. As if that would make him stop. He obviously  did not need my involvement, no. I could go to hell laying stiff, he just needed to satisfy his craving. 

'You feel so good.'

I thought I was sick for following you but you must be more sick, I thought to myself  at the sound of his voice.  This was the only time I got complimented with Nicholas. At the peak of his pleasure, I was complimented for dishing it out well. Every other time, I was just some dull chick.  It just dawned on me how much I hated this dude. He went through  with every detail,  not minding the tears that fell down my cheeks  till he was through  satiating  his evil desires. He lay beside me and I   requested for a pain  reliever. It was all I  could do. I was such a fool. A fool for foolish things. A fool for a monster. Gad called my phone several  times  but I  ignored his calls. What would  I tell him?

I  got raped and now I  can't  move my hand? He would  still want  to come and get me. It hurt that I could  not answer  his calls.
'Why are your boobs sagging, whore?
Like that of a woman who has had ten kids ?'

I sighed.
The sonofabitch  was not through  with me yet.
He still ceased the opportunity to abuse me verbally.
He always  sought to do this once he was done getting  what he wanted.

'...got firmer boobs.'
Did he say someone  had firmer boobs? Did I hear that? Vesta the whore with sagging boobs! Was he seriously  comparing me to whoever?
That was when I almost lost it.

'Shut up you ingrate.' I yelled.
'You've had me for four years and just realized I have sagging boobs. Same sagging boobs that fed you. Same sagging boobs that you have played with for four years. Yes and you here, have been intimate with a whore, four long years. What does that make you?'

I still screamed but my arm reminded me that I   was drained.
Completely drained of all energy. This was not the time to prove my worth. This  was  the  time  to  walk on with the little  dignity I had. If I  had any at all. I had taken so much in one night. This should  not  get to me. I know me, I  do not have sagging  boobs but it hurt to have someone  I opened  my legs to for years call me names. It had always  been  this way yet I never learned. I still came back to this ****

  I began to cry and went back to laying down. Gad had never had access to my boobs the way Nicholas  did but he thought  they were firm and beautiful just from seeing them. I freaking  curse the day I   met you.  I must have slept off, to be awakened  by Nicholas  calling  me whore again. This  dude, I   curse the day I met you. You know I'm no whore. I was still naive when  you met me. You spoilt me in this way and made me your  slave.  Today, you call me whore. I curse the day I met you. I cursed secretly.

Forgive  me if you didn't  like  every bit of it.

Black Flowers -III

had  been  trying  so much  to move on until I met Gad who made me realize  how stupid  I was for still sticking with  Nicholas. It had been  seven  months of sunshine: he treated me like the lady I was. He spoilt me with so much attention  and love. Gad had never raised his voice  at me. Not in seven  months. I'm sure the day he did would  be the day he walked  out of my life. We had quarreled countless times but our quarrels  were settled  in  a way, in the end it felt  funny. After each fight we got even  closer but dude and I  had not gone past kissing.

I would be a liar to say I wasn't  attracted to him. He was too but I   made the rules and broke them if I wanted more kissing and cuddling. I only needed to tell Gad what I   wanted and Gad would be at my beck and call. So now what was wrong with me? Gad was the one who fed my emotions. He fed my every being. He made me happy. We weren't  sexually  involved  and with all the running  about I'd been  doing, I  felt so bad for denying him sex yet giving it willingly  to Nicholas. Nicholas   who saw me as nothing  but a mop to be used to clean his sexual cravings. It didn't  matter  where I  was, he just knew how to get it from me.

I needed deliverance  from this demonic opium. He was so not good for me: he treated me badly yet I still  shared my body with him. Why not Gad. Gad  deserved it.... I had known  him barely  a year  but would rather walk a mile with him than with Nicholas  whom I  had known for   four years. Rich: yeah he thought he was. Arrogant, notorious, self centered, didn't  respect women  not even  his own mother. What was I doing with him?

I snapped  out of my filthy desire for him and broke our kiss. I had told Nancy I was going to get ice-cream  so I  had my  yellow sling bag and Nicholas  had driven off because  he obviously  wanted to finish what he had started .
'Stop the car Nicholas.
I'm not ready to sleep with you.'

Silly me! What was I  doing sitting  in his car in the first place?

The music in his car was so loud as he made his way to his house.

'Why did you kiss me then?'

'Nicholas......?
Must every kiss end the way you want it?'

'Yes because  I  want you.'
Nicholas  had squeezed  one of my boobs with his other  hand whilst his other hand kept holding  onto the steering  wheel.

Nothing  I did would make him turn around. We finally  got to his place  and the bully ordered me out of his car. When I  refused, he left me in the car and went to let out his dogs. I'm sure the dogs knew there was a stranger around or maybe he had given them an order. They kept  encircling  the car and jumping. Nicholas  came to open the car door to peer at me. That  must have confirmed  their suspicions, it sent  them barking and trying to open  the  door till Nicholas  got back. At this point  I  had no choice  but to get inside the house. I didn't   want   to  get bitten by dogs. Nicholas  locked his his bedroom  door  once I got inside. He went away and came back after a while to finish  what  he had begun early on in the   car. Yes, I resisted with every breath. The more  I  resisted, the stronger he became.

I still resisted when he undressed me and forcibly tried to have his way with  me. Nicholas  must have mistaken my resistance  for foolishness.
'Stop fooling.'
He kept cautioning me. I still struggled with all of me. I resolved not to open  my legs to a monster like him. Not again! No not even  when  I  was  in his territory. I owned my body. He didn't  own it.  I chose who to share it with, it was not his decision  to make.





Photo Credit: Google  Photos.

Black Flowers -II

(Any explanation  would require  having  to  tell porkies. I needed to think through  carefully  before  attempting  one. I finally  got  to my apartment  and  thanked the driver before  making  my way  inside. I let the gate man help get out my keys as he wanted to know  what  had happened  to my hand.
'I slipped  and fell.'
'Sorry Ma'am.'
'Thank   you .'
Was all I   could  say. Once I   got inside, I  went straight  to my  room; to the bathroom. The struggle  to take  off the body con  I was wearing  began. I almost  cried, the pain  was unbearable. I finally  did  and struggled to take a shower. I struggled  to get dressed once I was done. I was starving but remembered  there wasn't  much I could do in my situation.

I  decided  to  suspend having breakfast. It was almost eight and my hand  needed medical attention. I picked a scarf from my closet and decided to use it to support my hand instead. I needed help to tie it around my neck to pass my right hand  through. In the end, I had to get assistance from my gateman. The poor old man just had to assist me; he helped me lock the front door and walked  me to the gate to find me a taxi since I  couldn't  drive. The drive to the hospital  was slow since it was still rush hour. Thankfully, I  arrived  and began the process to see a doctor. I was referred to an orthopedist.

Though it was my hand that  was hurting,  it felt  like it was my entire arm to my right shoulder. It gave me a sickly feeling. My phone  began  to  ring again. Gad won't  let me be. I didn't  pick up but went  on to read his texts. Boy! Dude was getting  worried  about  me but I  didn't  want  him  to  know  where I  was. I still decided  to  ignore  him till I could  come up with  reasons for my condition. I quickly  texted Nancy to ask her not to give Gad any details. She began to call right away.

'Vee.
You know the dude is going  to  be  worried  about  you.
What's  wrong  with  letting  him  know  you had a little  accident  and are getting  treated  at the  hospital?'

'No Nancy, please.'

'Wait a minute  Vee.
Are you sure it was a fall.'
?'

'Nancy.
The dude hit my hand against  the  bed several  times like my hand was a piece of wood.....'
I became  silent.

'Vee?
Are you okay?
Hello....?
Hello....?'

I mentally  slapped  myself for willingly giving out details I was trying  so hard to keep to myself. I said the words before  I  had the chance  to  think  about  it. My silence meant regret.

'I'm here...'
I managed  to say in a low voice .

'I'm sorry  Vee.
You mean Gad did that to you.
How's that  possible?'

'No!
Gad didn't  do that to me.
I haven't  seen Gad in three days.'

'So who did this to you?'

Nancy patiently waited for my response. I could feel the anger in her voice.

I offered  her no explanation  and just kept quiet.

'Vee.
Give me a few minutes, I'll get back  to  you.'

She didn't  wait  for  my response  before  cutting  the call.

Now I didn't  only feel shitty, I felt stupid for getting  into this mess.
He still called me whore after everything. I was such a fool. Why did I go there in the first place?

Nicholas  had called  me just like  he always  did. He claimed  he was in the  neighborhood  and wanted to see me. As usual, he could  not enter my house. Yes, he was such a toxic person that no one I meant the world  to  ever wanted to see him around  me. Our friendship  started and ended at my gate else, I  ended  up having  quarrels with  people  over him.
I had gone  to  see him. Nicholas  and I  were not friends  on an emotional  level. Our relationship  was so broken that what we had left was passion. We both seemed  addicted, no matter  what .  He ended up touching  me  and as usual the silly me jumped for him though   I had tried to keep away from him in months. I had been seeing Gad for the past seven months and  I   never  let him touch me the way Nicholas  did.

Gad was what I called my dream guy. Gad was  anything but the exact opposite of Nicholas.  Gentle, caring and respectful. I could doff my hat out to him, he adored the ground on which I walked.

Coffee kept me up all night...I ended up writing...I should drink more coffee☺

Photo Source : Google photos

Black Flowers - I

'Hey you. Wake up.! Wake  up  whore!
I felt a pang in my right arm. Then the pain became lingering  and unbearable. 'Whore, wake up!' This time I couldn't  bear it and let out a shout before  opening  my eyes. My hand felt painful. I had to lift it up with my left hand before sitting up.

I cast my gaze around the room and heard the door open. The  monster Nicholas  was standing beside the bed. That made sense. Thought I   was dreaming. It was so real. 'Get dressed, you have to go now.' Just then, my phone began to ring. Gad was calling, I  could tell from  the ring tone : Cold Play's   'sky full of stars.'  I waited for the call to end and then the phone began to ring again. I let the sheets fall onto the floor as I got out of the bed. I had been supporting my obvious fractured right hand with my left hand. There was no way I  could still clutch the sheets to my body and support  my hand.

The tears began to streak down my cheeks  as I tried to get dressed to leave. I could feel Nicholas  watching but cared less. He did not bother to help me knowing,  I  could not use my right hand. It took forever  but I finally  managed  to get dressed  and walked to the bathroom  to brush my teeth .  By the time  I   was done, the cab that would take me to my place was ready. 'The taxi is waiting  outside.' I didn't  bother to respond, I  just made my way to the entrance but before I could exit the building, Nicholas  grabbed  my left shoulder  turning  me around to face him. 'I'm sorry Vesta.' I took a final look  at him from head to toe and walked outside into the waiting  taxi which  sped off once I was seated at the back.

I rolled  down the glass as the rush of the early morning  air filled  the car. It was a relief  to be out of that house. My fourteen  inches hair which I  had not bothered to comb flew  as the wind blew  it. My phone  began  to  ring and as painful as my right  hand felt, I managed  to  get the  phone out of my sling bag which was on my lap. The call ended before I could get it. Gad had called  again. I checked  my whatsapp  messages  and his was the most recent.

'Good  morning  babes.'

The tears that had been  threatening  to  fall down  my cheeks  just fell.
I was such a bitch. Gad must have seen me online. I saw him still typing.
'Are you okay?' I just read on.
'Hope  you slept well. Your alarm called  to wake you up  earlier.' I'm driving  now, will call again  when  I  get to work xoxo.'

He meant he had tried reaching me earlier  to wake me up so I  would get ready for work. Gad had been  my very reliable  alarm clock  for months. Calling me every week day at a quarter  to six.
Oh God. How did I  get so messed up? I  needed to get home and take  a  quick shower but first I  had to call my Line manager to let her know I  was  going  to  be  late. I could barely  move my right  hand. Who was I  kidding ? I' m sure I was going  to  have  to take the day off.

'Good morning  Vesta'
'Good morning Miss Nelson'

'You don't  sound  okay.'

'Yes Miss Nelson, I actually  slipped  and fell last night. I can barely  move my right hand . I'm on my way to see a doctor and calling  to let you  know  I'll  be late to the  office .'

'Sorry  to hear Vesta.
You sound  terrible. Please  see a doctor  as quickly as you can and let me  know  what  happens. You can take the day off.'

'Thanks  Ma'am.'

'You are welcome .'

I needed to get home and freshen up before  visiting the hospital.
I  checked  my whatsapp  messages  and read through  them. Nancy my housemate  and bestfriend wanted to know  if I  had  left home  early or slept out. I   texted  back  to  let her know  what  had happened  but spared her the details. I still couldn't  reply Gad or call him back . I didn't  know  what  to  say to him.

Look who got back  to  writing  short stories  ☺☺☺
Keep reading  as the story develops.

It's Crass Behaviour !

Thank you is an exclamation  used when acknowledging a gift, service or compliment, or  accepting or refusing an offer. It is also an instance or means of expressing thanks: an expression of gratitude but do we use it often, promptly and appropriately?  A friend   shared  the story of how she had constantly  been bothered by a particular  group of guys in her congregation. They had heard from a reliable  source  that she cooked quite well and wondered when she would  cook for them too. They kept pestering  her till she finally  agreed and invited  them over for a meal at her house.

The guys  did show up and enjoyed  the  meal Selina cooked. They praised  her  for  her  excellent  culinary skills and expressed  hopes  of  having  her  cook for  them again before going back to their house. Days on, Selina apparently  waited to hear a simple thank you  from them. When it never  came, she went the extra  mile to report  them to their father since they all  belonged to the same congregation. Their father  was stunned and apologized on behalf of his unruly  children. It was at this point  that she   shared the story with  me. It sounded funny. It  made me laugh   though  I  rather thought  she went   too far by reporting  them to their Dad.

I have  come to realise that some people  just do not know how to say thank you. You can give them the world and they would never say those words. From the high and mighty to  whoever. Yes, you can't  blame  them. It isn't in their DNA. They were not taught to say it, when to say it and how to say it. How then  do you expect  them to say it?  Everyone  loves to be appreciated. Showing people  how appreciative you are of the little  things they do for you, such as stuff we take for granted  because  we have people  doing them for us without  having  to  ask for them. Holding  out the door for us, pulling the chair for us, sending   us birthday  wishes etc. Can you believe  some people  do not even  say thank you  when they receive   birthday  wishes  or other  wishes from  people. Wake up, you! No one owes you wishes on your birthday  or...... It is  just nice to send you  wishes thus people  still do. Stop acting  like  they owe it to you and start acknowledging them. It doesn't  make you unique, it is crass behaviour. Simply crass! It doesn't  matter  your  level of education , status or who you are, it is simply  crass behaviour to refuse to say those words when you have to.

In our daily relationships  with people, be it friends, people we are sweet on, work colleagues, school mates, family etc, we must learn to say thank you if we have  not grasped  this basic lesson yet. When someone  leaves all they have to do just to mourn with you when you are bereaved, learn to say thank you. When someone  compliments you, learn to say thank you. There are a million people  who are more handsome or  probably dress nicely than you do. Stop with the  crass behaviour! People should not be forced to say thank you but people  especially  our younger ones should learn and be taught to say thank you at an early age by their parents. Teach your girlfriend in a nice way to say thank you. What's  so difficult  about saying  thank you?

I have this friend who says thank you a million times (in my opinion, I appreciate  you though).Takes you out on a date and ends up thanking you. Sends you a delivery  and thanks you for accepting  it. They pass by your place to see you for ten minutes   even when they have to travel miles to get home and end up saying thank you. You give them an hour of your  time hanging out which you enjoy too and they end up thanking you. Tell me, if we all behaved this way, won't this world be a  better  place? 

I  have just adapted a stance when it comes to such issues. I can only do my bit. Whether I'm the one giving out or at the receiving  end. My duty is to be polite or offer any assistance  I can. Still play your part. Leave the people  who choose  to display  crass behaviour  to keep being  crass. It costs nothing to say thank you. Don't  forget, not saying  thank you is crass behaviour!

Photo source: Google  photos .