Black Flowers -III

had  been  trying  so much  to move on until I met Gad who made me realize  how stupid  I was for still sticking with  Nicholas. It had been  seven  months of sunshine: he treated me like the lady I was. He spoilt me with so much attention  and love. Gad had never raised his voice  at me. Not in seven  months. I'm sure the day he did would  be the day he walked  out of my life. We had quarreled countless times but our quarrels  were settled  in  a way, in the end it felt  funny. After each fight we got even  closer but dude and I  had not gone past kissing.

I would be a liar to say I wasn't  attracted to him. He was too but I   made the rules and broke them if I wanted more kissing and cuddling. I only needed to tell Gad what I   wanted and Gad would be at my beck and call. So now what was wrong with me? Gad was the one who fed my emotions. He fed my every being. He made me happy. We weren't  sexually  involved  and with all the running  about I'd been  doing, I  felt so bad for denying him sex yet giving it willingly  to Nicholas. Nicholas   who saw me as nothing  but a mop to be used to clean his sexual cravings. It didn't  matter  where I  was, he just knew how to get it from me.

I needed deliverance  from this demonic opium. He was so not good for me: he treated me badly yet I still  shared my body with him. Why not Gad. Gad  deserved it.... I had known  him barely  a year  but would rather walk a mile with him than with Nicholas  whom I  had known for   four years. Rich: yeah he thought he was. Arrogant, notorious, self centered, didn't  respect women  not even  his own mother. What was I doing with him?

I snapped  out of my filthy desire for him and broke our kiss. I had told Nancy I was going to get ice-cream  so I  had my  yellow sling bag and Nicholas  had driven off because  he obviously  wanted to finish what he had started .
'Stop the car Nicholas.
I'm not ready to sleep with you.'

Silly me! What was I  doing sitting  in his car in the first place?

The music in his car was so loud as he made his way to his house.

'Why did you kiss me then?'

'Nicholas......?
Must every kiss end the way you want it?'

'Yes because  I  want you.'
Nicholas  had squeezed  one of my boobs with his other  hand whilst his other hand kept holding  onto the steering  wheel.

Nothing  I did would make him turn around. We finally  got to his place  and the bully ordered me out of his car. When I  refused, he left me in the car and went to let out his dogs. I'm sure the dogs knew there was a stranger around or maybe he had given them an order. They kept  encircling  the car and jumping. Nicholas  came to open the car door to peer at me. That  must have confirmed  their suspicions, it sent  them barking and trying to open  the  door till Nicholas  got back. At this point  I  had no choice  but to get inside the house. I didn't   want   to  get bitten by dogs. Nicholas  locked his his bedroom  door  once I got inside. He went away and came back after a while to finish  what  he had begun early on in the   car. Yes, I resisted with every breath. The more  I  resisted, the stronger he became.

I still resisted when he undressed me and forcibly tried to have his way with  me. Nicholas  must have mistaken my resistance  for foolishness.
'Stop fooling.'
He kept cautioning me. I still struggled with all of me. I resolved not to open  my legs to a monster like him. Not again! No not even  when  I  was  in his territory. I owned my body. He didn't  own it.  I chose who to share it with, it was not his decision  to make.





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