Black Flowers IV

*****Warning**Mature Content*****

I owned my body; he didn't  own it; I owned me not him. If anyone deserved a piece of it, it was Gad.  The angel who had changed my perception  of love and had taught me in seven months that I   could be loved in every  way and not just for s**. It was my reason for not wanting  to go that mile with him. Yes, I   was coming  from a background  where I was made to think that s** was real love even when I  wasn't  being  treated well. Everything  began and ended with s**.  Every  other thing was  all abuse. Verbally, emotionally, physically   abused and the list was endless. 'God bless Gad.' I whispered, whilst  still struggling  with  the  monster.
'Stop fooling.'
He  slapped  me. The slap  only propelled me on to fight and not share my body: my beautiful  body as Gad liked to call it, with this sonofabitch.

The struggle continued. It became real and fierce  with each passing  second. Nicholas  must  have  gotten  impatient  with me.  Whilst  pinning  my hands with both hands onto the bed with him struggling  to kneel  between  my legs, I tried hard to kick him with both legs though  I was laying naked as by now he had stripped me of every physical  barrier  limiting his access to my body. I felt like  I  was being attacked  by a rapist and knew just then that I could not lose out in the strife.

'Stop fooling Vesta.'
Before I  knew it, Nicholas  was hitting  my right hand hard against  the bed. I froze. Once. Twice. Thrice. I kept screaming. I felt like  I   was going to die. He was hitting the bed with my hand like my hand was some stick or cane. By the third hit, I was in excruciating  pain and my tears were all over the place.
'Sorry .'
I kept on crying  as his naked body sat beside me on the bed looking on. 
'Sorry.'
What could  sorry  do now? I  could  not  move  my right hand.

I kept  crying  for God knows  how  long. Life was punishing  me for all my sins: for cheating  on  an innocent  man. Life was punishing me for still following  Nicholas  who obviously  did not like me, not one bit. Life was screaming  at me to wake up to reality and stop dining with the devil but life could have taught me this in another  way. Why did it have  to  be  on  this painful path? I thought  Nicholas would give up. Yet,  as soon as he realized  I had let my guard down, he jumped  on me and began afresh. Sucking on my boobs even in my distress like I owed him  s** whilst  I lay there just watching, never moving. As if that would make him stop. He obviously  did not need my involvement, no. I could go to hell laying stiff, he just needed to satisfy his craving. 

'You feel so good.'

I thought I was sick for following you but you must be more sick, I thought to myself  at the sound of his voice.  This was the only time I got complimented with Nicholas. At the peak of his pleasure, I was complimented for dishing it out well. Every other time, I was just some dull chick.  It just dawned on me how much I hated this dude. He went through  with every detail,  not minding the tears that fell down my cheeks  till he was through  satiating  his evil desires. He lay beside me and I   requested for a pain  reliever. It was all I  could do. I was such a fool. A fool for foolish things. A fool for a monster. Gad called my phone several  times  but I  ignored his calls. What would  I tell him?

I  got raped and now I  can't  move my hand? He would  still want  to come and get me. It hurt that I could  not answer  his calls.
'Why are your boobs sagging, whore?
Like that of a woman who has had ten kids ?'

I sighed.
The sonofabitch  was not through  with me yet.
He still ceased the opportunity to abuse me verbally.
He always  sought to do this once he was done getting  what he wanted.

'...got firmer boobs.'
Did he say someone  had firmer boobs? Did I hear that? Vesta the whore with sagging boobs! Was he seriously  comparing me to whoever?
That was when I almost lost it.

'Shut up you ingrate.' I yelled.
'You've had me for four years and just realized I have sagging boobs. Same sagging boobs that fed you. Same sagging boobs that you have played with for four years. Yes and you here, have been intimate with a whore, four long years. What does that make you?'

I still screamed but my arm reminded me that I   was drained.
Completely drained of all energy. This was not the time to prove my worth. This  was  the  time  to  walk on with the little  dignity I had. If I  had any at all. I had taken so much in one night. This should  not  get to me. I know me, I  do not have sagging  boobs but it hurt to have someone  I opened  my legs to for years call me names. It had always  been  this way yet I never learned. I still came back to this ****

  I began to cry and went back to laying down. Gad had never had access to my boobs the way Nicholas  did but he thought  they were firm and beautiful just from seeing them. I freaking  curse the day I   met you.  I must have slept off, to be awakened  by Nicholas  calling  me whore again. This  dude, I   curse the day I met you. You know I'm no whore. I was still naive when  you met me. You spoilt me in this way and made me your  slave.  Today, you call me whore. I curse the day I met you. I cursed secretly.

Forgive  me if you didn't  like  every bit of it.