Black Flowers -V

That's  how I  had  left his place  two or so hours  ago.
I was brought  back  to reality  at the  mention  of my name.
'Vesta Bilson.' I followed  the nurse  inside the doctor's  consulting  room and listened as the he held the x'ray results giving me an explanation  of my condition. I didn't  get anything  he said. Except : 
'An ordinary fall shouldn't have caused this much damage but you should be fine soon.'
What was he trying to say? That I was hiding something?  God knows I could not bear to tell this doctor the truth. It would open up a whole new chapter. I was not ready for any of that. I also did not want to lose Gad. My reputation  was also at stake here.  I had my hand put in a fiber  glass cast. Nancy  had arrived and I was grateful to have her around    as the procedure seem to hurt.

Once I  was  done, we went to get something  to eat. I had to eat with my left  hand which  was quite a struggle for me.
Nancy watched me in silence once we were done eating and went back to sit in her car so she could take me back  to  the house. 
'Were you with Nicholas?"
I nodded trying  hard not to let down the tear that was threatening   to   fall from my eyes.
'And he did this to you?'
There was a brief  moment  of silence. She must have seen the tears in my eyes, she pulled  me into an embrace  and I held on to  her for a while longer. When we finally  disengaged, she handed me a tissue  to wipe my tears and we drove in silence to the house. Nancy  sat with me for a few  minutes.
'Are you going  to  tell Gad?'
'Nancy , I   would love to tell him  at this point but I  don't  want to lose him. I don't  want to hurt him either. He doesn't  need  to know I cheated on him. For  Christ's sakes he deserves better. Please  let's  just leave  it this way. Gad doesn't  have to know.'

Nancy  was nodding  in agreement. 'Then make me a promise. Never  to see or talk  to  Nicholas  again.' My phone  began  to  ring. Nancy helped me get it out  of my  bag. She handed it to me but I didn't answer at all till the call ended. It began to ring again.
'Is it Gad? Let me speak with him.'
I shook my head to say no.
'Talk of the devil, ' I said.
Nicholas. What did he want?  We  just  stared at each other in silence .

'Never again.'
I whispered.
Nancy only nodded. The doorbell rang just then and we all sat up. Who could it be. I hope  it wasn't  Nicholas. We both stared at each  other and then back  at the door.

'What do you want?' I  screamed.
'Babes it's  me.'
My gaze fell just then. Oh God, I wasn't  ready for this. Nancy  stared at me for approval before getting  the door. It was past one in the  afternoon.
'Hi Ga-d.' 

'Hi Nancy.
How are you?'

' I'm fine.
Thanks for  asking .
How are you?'

'I'm okay, thanks.'

'Come in please  ....'

I looked up to see Gad smiling as he stepped   inside.
He walked  straight  up to me and pecked me on the left cheek. I got up to hug him and he ended up giving  me one of those hugs. I felt safe and that's  how it had always  felt hugging  him. He tried  to  disengage from the hug  but then I kept holding  on so he just held me in his arms. I was trying  so hard  not to cry. Seeing him made me feel  like a murderer.

'Guys I'm going  back to work.
See you later.'

Nancy 's voice  reminded  me that we were not alone.  I let go of Gad to sit on the couch before  we could  respond,  Nancy  was gone. I sat  on the  couch and Gad sat beside me holding  my left hand. He kissed  the back of  my palm, now I  felt like Judas  betraying Jesus, I   guess. Guilt washed  over  me. I didn't  know  where to start.

'I called  your  office  and  was told  you fell and had a fracture. I wanted to be sure you were okay."

Thank you office staff . You saved me. He believes  I fell. Can we just  leave  it that way.....I prayed silently.
'Where did it happen.?' The moment  I had  been   dreading. Was I seriously  thinking  he wouldn't  want details? Not my Gad.
'In the bathroom.
I slipped  and fell.'

'I'm sorry  to hear that'
He pulled  me into  an  embrace. Now I felt like  the cheapest  woman on planet  earth.
'It must hurt.'
I nodded in agreement.

'You'll  be fine soon.'  How on earth  could I have  this treasure and still keep  going back  to  my past. I obviously  didn't  cherish  what I  had or I was taking  what  I  had  for  granted. I didn't  want  to  lose Gad at this point. I didn't  want  to. It was this time  that I  realized  how  much I  loved Gad. Or did I   just wake up to reality?

The door  bell rang again.
Gad went to get it and brought  back a bouquet of beautiful  flowers.
He handed them to me. Gad must have ordered them and had them delivered to my place.  Okay, now I  actually  wanted  to disappear.......If he knew  what I had been  doing, he would send me black flowers,  instead  of these beautiful ones.

'They are beautiful .
Thank youuuuuu.'

I touched  them and inhaled the smell. Sweet....sweet....why was I choosing black flowers over these beautiful  ones? I just realized, I had made life difficult  for me. Holding  on to something  that hurt in the name  of addiction  instead of embracing the beautiful flowers that I   could have every day. It was time  to  stop looking  back at the black  flowers.

Photo  Credit : Women working.com

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