In My Pain Web

Pain  can be described as mental  suffering: distress or a highly unpleasant physical pain caused by illness or injury. It is an inevitable part of the human race: everyone would go through it at one point or  another. It is true that some people will never know that thing called pain though.  Pain isn't determined or controlled by anyone eventhough pain can be avoided. 

Lets  focus briefly on  pain as mental suffering or distress. When one fails in life, is disappointed, betrayed or loses a loved one amongst others, they go through some form of distress. One of the things that causes distress to both sexes especially the female sex is being disappointed by a partner. Whatever goals the relationship held, one is bound to be the victim of the pain caused by the effect or turn out of the relationship.

How do you react to the  pain of the loss of a dear one? Alive or gone to the land of the dead....Some women take a longer time to brood over the being disappointed bit but we all react differently to pain. The duration or time one takes to heal is really relative dependent on several factors.

A few years ago,  I  wrote 'Pain Web.' Someone had caused me pain but in my situation, it was more of what I stood to gain than the person involved.  Don't get me wrong, we all have goals and sometimes, it is always better to let go of the person involved when there has been a betrayal.  Well, I'm a church girl so I sought  revenge from the word of God. I constantly reminded God of his word. I could not revenge, he had to do it for me. I believe the best form of revenge is when the people who betrayed and caused you a fortune,  end up becoming inseparable.  They both would have to bear the load, I think. This would be a topic to be explored some other day.

When I wrote 'In My Pain Web' the goal at the time was to share it with people faced with a similar challenge.  It was until recently that sharing the stuff I write isn't a priority because writing has become therapeutic for me sometimes.  So it isn't everything I write that I get to share. In writing,  you do not get criticised.  My laptop or tablet cannot ask me questions.  I write what I want and so do you.
I got to a point where I had to forgive and wrote them down including the times when I would cry and give God reasons I could not forgive the people who had hurt me.

I found out in that time of distress that usually,  the people who hurt us don't even know.
Only a few are that sensitive to know or realize it. That's when they come back to ask for our forgiveness but sometimes they do not know or deliberately choose to ignore and overlook any hurt caused us though in reality apologising would make our burden lighter. So we can't always sit and wait for them to apologize.
Sometimes it will never happen.
Yet, the more we hold on, the more we hurt ourselves.

I have seen on television and heard stories of people who kept others in their pain web: the torment and torture it caused both parties.  At other times, the keeper:whoever is holding someone in their pain web is able to reach his or her goals yet the person being kept has had to go round only to discover the cause of their problem: restitution, just an apology away. It taught me a lesson.

Why I call it a web.
A web because in that web, you can keep one person. You can keep five, ten you name it. It keeps enlarging yet it comes back to one person: 'You.' The one who keeps hurting and constantly keeps thinking about the source of your distress when they are obviously moving on.
So in there, you can choose to keep ten people but what would that yield to?

Sometimes, as hard as it may seem we have got to let go. As much as it hurts we have got to work on us: yes that takes a lot of effort especially when the person causing us the pain is enjoying themself elsewhere.  It doesn't matter, still learn to let go. Seek help if you can't do it by yourself.  Remember it takes time so don't rush it. Allow yourself to go through it every step of the way. It is the only way you would get better. In the end, make sure you free 'You' so you can experience the beauty of life again.

If you are in the habit of causing people distress through your actions, if you have ever caused anyone pain, did you take steps to alleviate the person's pain or you drowned yourself in your new world so much that you forgot how the other person was feeling.  Truly you need to be in a person's situation to know how they feel. You know what to do. It will not stop the person from hurting, it will not bring back whatever the person lost but if there's something called a pain web, it would certainly help.

Are you hurting due to someone's actions or inactions, in your pain, find yourself again. In grieving, get up, chase your dreams again.  Pain is temporary, but being in someone's pain web can have long term implications.  You don't want to get there.  The sun will shine again....in your distress, may you find a glitter of hope to help you out of that pit.

This piece is for 'You' who is going through some form of distress right now. Hoping you let go of the people in your pain web so you can see the beauty of life again.