OUR LIVES LIKE PICTURES

Life's Camera: roll, click, snap
Capturing every moment: the down times and the happy magical moments.
The days we are looking good
The days we aren't at our best,
memories to view later: our life's pictures, our lives like pictures, the story of our lives told in pictures.
Capture the peak and packed: pleasures and unforgettable passing times.
A reminder of the good and the bad times

A reminder that people  come along and make us realize  who we are....
Inspirational, phenomenal, instrumental.
Our lives like pictures:  memories of our laughter, our tears, achievements, our challenging moments: significant and  insignificant moments.
A tale of hearts entwined
A language of the heart: briefly or silently.
Our lives in pictures: a sealed bond: solid as the rising and setting of the sun.
All captured on our life's camera: pictures.
Pictures of our life!

                               *********

I won't wait to bring you flowers when you can't say to me how beautiful they are.
Neither will I wait to write you a tribute.
I celebrate you now and always.
Happy birthday to my fightmate, my intercessor, alarm clock, nurse, my teacher and a lot more: Alice.....
Love you to bits.
💝💝💝

Photo Source: Google photos.

Dream Boy

Your love is the only one I've ever known,
Gentle, ugly you call yourself  but I  find you the most handsome guy on planet  earth.
More handsome than my handsome  father whom I  thought  was the most handsome  until you came along.
Caring, careless and careful: I've never known a more caring guy.
Your love is awake even when mine goes to sleep
You crawl and crave till I yell and yearn for you...
I'm drunk on your  caring nature, imprisoned by your care...
Drawn to the deep case in which  you wrap me like a fragile doll.
You are careless enough to let me see and touch your soul.
Your eyes speak to me though your lips are sealed
A look so drawn to the tune my heart beat  makes...
My tears your down time,
My cheerful times your moments of glory.
My biggest  fan, my delicious critic.
You are careless enough to make me see past your beautiful  body: a heart encased  in gold.
I'm spoilt for you and by you only.

You are careful to let me see that there is a star in the sky but I'm the sky in which the  star dwells.
You adore and worship me like I'll stop pouring down rain to reign or rain on you.
I'm lost but lost in you and lost with  you
Shower me, stone me, shine on me, spoil me, my sugar...
Drown me in your pool of sweet, soothing balm.
Let me smell the deeps and depths: dream boy.
On   a road that leads to a destination  of fulfillment 
I'll walk the longest mile to be  with you and
I'll climb the highest  mountain to stay here with you
There are some sweets you taste and they stain your teeth forever:
You are a dream  drawn in my desire to drown deep in the depth of the shadows  I see.
A sweet dream,
until I  probably  have a nightmare 
Or you will just be  my dream boy.
Splashes of the sun sinner
I'm your sun to slay and to have 
Your  love sun: sugar my cream!

Hope  your today  is as beautiful  as your love is...
😇☺

Photo Source: Google Photos

GAMBIA BLEEDS....

Bruised, buttered, betrayed.
I queued to cast my ballot: dropping marbles into  coloured drums for the candidate of my choice: a leader I wanted to rule over my land.
With three options to choose from: almighty Jammeh who was hoping to rule for a billion years.
Barrow who had arisen as the eagle to fly my people to a new destination to restore democracy, Kande: a hope for my land some day.
What a shock it was,
the almighty ruler since 1994, conceded defeat to the surprise of the  African Continent and the entire world.
Oh the wind of change that the voices had screamed and called for threatened to blow and it blew across...
The clouds were destined to change colour
The night stars that were shrouded rose to shine again:  a Gambia that I dreamed of becoming.
Show me my Gambia
Show me my dreams
Show me her leader
Show me the heart of her leader....
Gripped hands on power, concession thrashed to the sands..
the heart of her leader...
Her people flee: an escape from looming destruction
a sojourn to the land of freedom.
Hopes overturned,
Hearts broken,
Bruised minds,
Bleeding hearts.
Vulnerability in consistent grip of the icy hands of power.
Her peace is threatened:
the women will suffer,
the children's future unclear,
the men in disarray as they look on...
Questioning,what will become of her....
My land
My pride
My home
My  legacy
What will it be?
The heart of the leadership problem: the heart of the leader...
Oh Africa, oh leaders,
power drunken?
Where is our conscience?
Where is our dignity?
Arise! Arise!
Stand up! Arise!
Your people weep...
Leave us not with bruises and scars
Not with bitter memories of dashing hopes and defeated souls...
Touch not our Gambia no more,
we plead with you:
the heart of the leader...
Gambia bleeds, Gambia weeps.
Heal her land.
Gambia bleeds, Gambia weeps:
for when she will not only see this terror no more   but feel the wind of change she yearns for,
take over her land!

Photo Source: Google photos.

Gambia my muse.

MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE AGAIN!

I gave you all of me.
My heart, my soul, my body.
I kissed your ass and licked your pee,
afterall you were my demigod, my idol, my shining star...
What did you do with it?
You threw my apples away...
You took all the times I'll still lay the bed and await your arrival home for granted,
whilst you went flirting with the world
in search of fame,fortune, becoming complacent in the process.
You put a knife through my heart and turned me into an ugly soul.
You scarred my body after I lay naked for you to have your way. ...
You had me, all of me yet you took all that for granted.
Yesterday I moved on....
Today you come craving for my attention again.
My support, my heart, body and soul: all of me.
Make me fall in love again.
Bring back all the magical moments when you touched me and I melted...
When your kick made me do a royal dance because I had danced with a demigod.
When the crown that you gave me sparkled with glitters of  red, gold, green and the black star.
I'll bare my soul to you...
If only you will make me fall in love with you again.
Go Black Stars!
Go Ghana!
Go Go Go!
Make me fall in love again...
The plea of Ama Ghana.
I believe in you...
Go Black Stars go!

Puppishgirl believes in you too!
Photo Source: Google Photos.

IF YOUR LIFE WERE TO BE ON CAMERA...

I remember my boss had  given out a stern warning not to eat at your desk but rather leave your desk to go eat at the right place and come back after noticing most people had made it a habit. I had been  so overwhelmed  with work and had lots of things to do that I barely  made time to eat. I found it more convenient  to sit at my desk and sip on my usual  tea or Kalyppo  with biscuits (well, I  drank  Kalyppo  before  the craze  began and was even  labelled as the girl who ate food meant for babies. It's quite a  surprise  now to see those same people  drink Kalyppo) I wondered why the boss did not give exemptions and was obviously  hoping  I would  be one of those who could eat at my desk. Obviously, I was  not above the law.

I still broke the rule once a while because  I  was too busy wanting to accomplish  my tasks for  the  day since I  did  not have  the same  hours as others. I would go under my desk, sip on my Kalyppo, munch on my biscuits and wipe my lips with tissue then, go back to working  on my computer. After  a while, I would pick my hand wipes and clean my hands, then go under the desk to sip on my Kalyppo and munch on my biscuits. Finish chewing, sit back on my seat  and continue  with  my  work. I had finished  as usual and decided  to look around. Then I remembered  I was on camera. Wow! Hunger almost made me forget I was being watched.

That is how our lives feel like sometimes. We do things  forgetting  that other people  are  looking  up to us, we break the rules, use inappropriate  or unapproved  routes to gain what we hope to achieve. Sometimes  we end up hurting  other people  with  our actions yet, it is our happiness  that  really matters  to us regardless of how shitty it makes others feel.

If only we took the time to gaze up or around, it would guard our actions to put us on our toes just for us to be on our best behaviour.
It really  doesn't  matter  who you are, what you do or if you play any major role in society. What  really matters  is for us to always bear in mind, that we are  being  watched. Someone  is probably  looking  up  to you to  live their  lives. We also do not want  our present or current actions to come back haunting  us in the future. It is better  to live your life as if you were on camera in 2017 and beyond than to be caught on camera.

Photo Credit: Arden

Happy birthday Ivan xxx
💝

Welcome My President!

Congratulations to Ghanaians for a peaceful election. Better luck next time Ex President Mahama. Our history cannot be told without you though. Congratulations President Nana Akufo Addo.

I'm glad you rose to the highest office of the land. Your persistence and determination, though admirable isn't exactly peculiar, because there have been others just like you but you are welcome my president. With your reign I will constantly do write ups on Ghana, politics, law and the economy. Thus your ascension to this office made me discover another aspect in my writing career.

I will be your best and worst friend. Cheering you on, I will critique and draw your attention to very important national issues like I mentioned earlier. Ghanaians are not only expecting so much from you, but I'm personally looking forward to a few of your campaign promises. One of them being transformation of the Zongo communities.

Mr. President, I want to see this happen real quick because of all the places, that's where my favourite braids girl decided to ply her trade. I may not feel safe and comfortable going there, but certainly I cannot help it. I have hard core friends who love to go there too. So you see, this Zongo transformation thing is not only a big deal for Zongo dwellers but also for occasional visitors like me.

I am eagerly awaiting the creation of jobs, one district, one factory, an end to our progressive power crisis: dumsor, reduction in tariffs, free Senior High School. Free Senior High School will help lesson the burden on some parents and on me a surrogate Mum whose beneficiaries constantly look up to my little foundation to push them towards the goal.

Mr. President, these and many more you enunciated and we the people of Ghana are anxiously awaiting to see and enjoy them.

Damn your blunders or is it plagiarizing of your speech... I won't comment on your outfit and how you showed me your belly when you are not my sugar daddy. No comments on my first lady's outfit either. My second lady....
All we need is a changed Ghana, nothing less!
You cannot let us down. No you won't!
Infact you dare not. I have so much faith in you, candidly Ghanaians do too.

Wishing you all the best during your tenure in the highest office of the land as the bus driver who will lead us to our next destination.

God bless our homeland Ghana!

Your Hell, Someone's Haven!

There are times when you can only appreciate your situation better after you have seen the situation of others. This is because sometimes all we ever think about is ourselves and how we think our situations are that bad. We end up shifting our attention from the little things that we should even be grateful for and go in search of the bigger things we think will complete our lives.

However, an opportunity with a person whose  predicament is worst than ours can help bring us to the realization that, what we actually refer to as hell in our lives is someone's haven.

Why don't we stop  looking down on ourselves, feeling sorry for ourselves, stop the I wish...., and start appreciating what we have...? Counting our blessings instead of constantly grieving over what we do not have? The next time you decide to cry over compelling situations in 2017, remember your hell could be someone's haven.

Photo Source: Lloyd Barker

New Year it is, I couldn't  post much on my blog in 2016 but I hope to post more in 2017.
Happy New Year Lovelies!

Create Your Own story, Take Your Own Photo!

It just occurred to me that sometimes, the people who write all the romantic things for us to read and view have never experienced it themselves. I know this is debatable but a few weeks ago, a popular writer of chicklit on wattpad announced to her readers that she had finally been disvirgened. She began to tell her readers how prior to that time she had never experienced any of the things she wrote.

Well, your guess is as good as mine, I was a bit astonished. After all,  she had about eleven stories published. All chicklit with romantic scenes. So how was she able to describe into detail all that to keep her readers engaged.....

I remember how everyone kept asking if I was thirty five and if I was single and lonely? Well, I had written a story  that perfectly depicted how a thirty five year old woman felt alone without a man. I probably did it so well, I could pass for 'Yella' in my story; 'My Favourite Romantic Novel.'

How can I  forget the story of bestselling  author Jane Austen, who has several  romantic  novels to her credit but was said to have  never enjoyed the bliss of matrimony. She  was never  married  in real life until her death.

You don't have to be an Engineer to write stories that are engineering  centered. Neither do you have to be married to tell the story of an abused or a happily married woman. You don't have to be in love to tell love stories though it comes naturally if you are in love. Not every piece of writing, not every movie is based on the experiences of the writer. Sometimes the people who write about love, are the most lonely people. Sometimes writers are the most boring people. I've had comments like my boyfriend is lucky and all. Sometimes  it is those people who are the worst partners. Sometimes, writers are the worst conversationalists. Sometimes writers make the worst lovers.

Next time you read a piece of writing and are thinking, this writer has got it all, don't forget we live  in an imperfect world and people do not have it all. It's just a piece of writing!
Sometimes people spend too much time wishing for  the same picture, movie or story.
The seemingly perfect picture of someone may not be their true life story.

It's time to create your own story, take your own picture or perhaps write your own movie. Live life by your own design. Stop dwelling or living on the stories, pictures and movies of others.  They are different and so are you. We are all at different stages at different times of our lives.

My Ghana goes to the polls in a few hours.
God bless my homeland  Ghana!

Photo  source :  Google  Photos.

Pink Sweet II

Monday
Alarm Clock

Pink Sweet became my alarm clock.
Can't tell how I got him to be all that.
Morning messages became regular and every morning I woke up and went through my day showered with sweets from Pink Sweet.

Tuesday
My User Guide: emotionally  fed

Even when the day got difficult, my evenings  were special.

'Hey.
Are you home?
I'll be there in ten minutes.'

When Pink Sweet arrived, I got a hug first.  The hugs that made me feel super hugged.
Followed by forehead kisses : my favourite.  We talked and laughed about nothing. We said goodbye with hugs and kisses. Sweet kisses. I loved kissing him already.

If someone  did something  or said something  to me, Pink Sweet was the  one to tell. He never advised. He just  listened  and empathized. Once a while he would  bring  a suggestion.

He just never  blamed, condemned or call me names.
Here's where I  found  a  friend, someone  I felt comfortable  talking  to.
My go to person. He fed my emotions.

He probably  knew what to  do or say to make me feel better.
Perhaps he had gotten  my user guide.....how else could  he know what to do or say and when to.....?

'Are you still mad at me?'

Oh well... you know  I am....yet what  can  I  say.

I'm sorry genuinely  meant I'm sorry.
Pink Sweet  wasn't  afraid to let me see or know he was sorry. He would mean it if he said he was.

My user guide.....

Wednesday
Making Out

If I got lucky: I always was, we made out. It started with the I'm happy to see you, I missed  you hugs. It extended to forehead kisses, thigh kisses and then......pour some sugar....

Pink Sweet! I was freaking attracted to him. I mean all through, I had to exercise self control not to cross boundaries. It's not like he would deny me. He never denied me access to his beautiful body.

The problem  was with me!
Where I was coming  from and then the  book I'd read came to mind once a while.

I was always unbuttoning his shirt to touch his chest hair. Laying on his chest felt super good. Ouch!
Like my special  place.

Thursday
Priceless Moments 

It didn't matter how mad Pink Sweet was with me. If we had a fight,  it didn't go beyond Thursday. For some funny reason, Thursday  would be the day Pink Sweet came to see me if he hadn't done so all week.

I think Thursdays were his happy days.....

The first time we probably kissed was on a Thursday. Brief and quick. It was the best and safest kiss ever for me. It felt like I was kissing for the first time.

'My lips are all swollen from the kiss but I enjoyed kissing you and want to kiss you again xoxo.'

That made me really smile.
Little  did  I  understand it was a   promise  to let me know  he wouldn't  stop kissing  me  anytime  soon.

If only he knew I enjoyed kissing him too.
Kissing him felt like I was a teenager.

Trust me, I had analysed this friendship before everything and just thought we won't last.

I was Damn wrong.
I got addicted before I could think straight again.

In the end, I resolved to take what he could  offer me.......
Pink Sweet.

Oranges
Oranges for me

I found oranges...
Sweet: I ate  them and loved the taste.
Sour : Sometimes it tasted sour. 
I tasted more sweets than I recall tasting   the sour ones.

Dark Clouds
Bad Days

We all have our dark days. We did too.

Dark quiet days...
Annoying, teary dark days....

Time
Wounds heal with time.

Time does heal the wounds.
With time you forget the past.
Time is magical.
Time made me realize  I only stopped looking at Pink Sweet on those dark days but I never stopped caring.

Friends Today
Strangers Tomorrow 

Life has always confirmed this: today we are friends, addicted to each other.

Hurting and forgiving each other.

Mad at each other.

Tomorrow, we become strangers on our dark days.
Like people who can't get past their differences and over each others  mistakes.

Forgiveness and letting go...
Love forgives.

Silver Lining

After the night comes the morning.
When the wound heals,
When the tears cease,
In those lacey clouds, you will find  that silver lining.

Love hurts.
Love heals.
Pour some sugar....
It's pink sweet!

Photo Credit: Google photos

Pink Sweet I

Pink Sweet

Friday
Weird Dude

We met on a Friday night. He came across as the stranger who ate my pizza without  asking. Who does that? I found that weird. Well....He was wasted, I  learned later. Not my type of boy and so I didn't look any further.

Wouldn't  have believed  it, if I was told he would become  my pizza eating mate days on....

Friday nights turned out to  be awesome  spent with my favourite person. Friday nights were for hanging out.
Ice cream, pizza, beach time..... whatever......even if we just talked.

Perfect  time to cuddle.
Kiss your  favourite person 
Talk about  nothing .....Friday!

Friday  nights,  for Pink Sweet.

Saturday
Pink Sweet Sixteen

I could see clearly the dude who ate my pizza without asking... all because he was wasted. Tall, nice eyes, pink lips, super hairy, ....no!  More importantly beautiful soul I discovered  later.

He wanted to know my favourite type of pizza so  he would get it for me next time. I would have  doubted it was a promise to eat pizza with me always. Words that must have made no meaning to me as of that time. A promise of friendship  it turned out to be.....

I even mentioned he was sixteen on our first Saturday night out in the midst of his friends. It became a thing to laugh about...he became the laughing stock. The girl had obviously called him a baby yet he  remained calm.

I never got in touch after that second meeting. He did though.

Sunday
Bittersweet and torturous

Sundays were days that Pink Sweet  never came around. Rather we kept in touch all day via texts or phone.

Sunday was when I decided after all those months, I would go visit my Pink Sweet for the first time.  He had stopped coming to see me after threatening he wouldn't come to see me anymore if I never went to visit. He had  been  doing  all the chasing, well.....

I didn't bother going that extra mile because I had my own demons budging me. I also didn't see where this was leading. Trust me I had analysed this friendship before everything and just thought we wouldn't go far. Reasons: we were at different stages at different times of our lives. I just didn't think  we would  last beyond that time. All the odds seemed to be against us including age as well as friends. I just knew I couldn't wait for him to get it together.  He would prove me wrong later.

That Sunday, I wished it hadn't  taken  so long to taste my pink sweet. Prior  to that time, I  never  felt pressured to do anything. He was so understanding whilst I  still struggled  to determine  where I wanted this to lead to.

Sunday was the day I  let myself go.
I didn't  care where  this led or ended.
I lived in the moment and for  the  moment.
My only duty was to enjoy   it   whilst  it lasted.
It was all I  could do.

Never knew it would be a day for  confirmation and affirmation.

I took what  he gave me: bittersweet, yummy.
I gave him what  I  could  though selfishly.
My addiction  assumed another  dimension.
If I  was addicted  to  his persona only, then I  was kidding because  with this addiction  came an addiction to all of him.

Sunday was a time  I would  remember....
As bittersweet and torturous.
All the tears I would cry later was because of Sunday.....

Pink Sweet💖

To be continued!

Photo Credit: Lilly

If I Wore Rags, I Would Still Be Beautiful!

On Sunday, I decided to look different. Instead of my usual style of dressing to church, I chose to wear a colourful slit and lace top. My niece kept laughing at my appearance even as I was about to leave home though she told me I looked nice. I  contemplated  changing clothes when I remembered an incident that happened with Yd.

He had come to see me one  Friday night after work. He had closed late and we were not hanging out. As always,  I  hugged  him, elated to finally see him after a long day. When we were done with the hugs, kisses and the I missed you bit, as part of his ritual  of paying attention  to everything  'me'   he began to check out my clothes.

'Is that a night dress?' Touching the dress I was wearing  probably  to be sure he was seeing right.
Oh gosh. Boys! I thought to myself.
'I wouldn't  wear my night dress to see you please.'
He smiled and said to me; 'even if you wore rags, you would  still be beautiful.'
I smiled back, mumbling a thank you  though I wasn't exactly sure what that meant. I sought to get an explanation some other time.

After this time, one thing resonated with me. I was pretty, no doubt but beneath that physical beauty, he saw something  I could not see or did not know I possessed. A beautiful mind and soul: beautiful  inside and outside. I ended up wearing my slit and lace top reminding myself that even if I wore rags, I would still be beautiful.

How many times, haven't  we focused so much on our outward appearance as individuals neglecting our inward beauty?  I'm not saying to neglect your outward appearance by wearing unfashionable clothes, mismatch,  unironed  clothes or a look that will make people think twice about you at a first glance. No! But do not be too busy working on your physical beauty at the expense of developing an inner beauty.

A good attitude towards others, a forgiving heart, loving others even when they prove so difficult to be loved: there are people who will simply not appreciate someone being nice to them because they are either too damaged or too busy to see. Being kind, gentle, helpful and thoughtful.
Thinking through your words  before they come out: bearing in mind the feelings of others before you say those words.
Self love: loving yourself so much that you radiate love and people who come around you, can feel the love too. A smile: a smile that misinforms the world you have no worries, till your worries desert you because they can't stand your smile. One that melts the heart of another person. Self confidence is key. Above  all, submitting to a higher authority: the old bearded man up there and feeding your spirit man constantly just as you do to your body.

Let people learn to see beyond the pretty or handsome  face and beautiful body appreciating the inner you. You can be so physically attractive but without your inner beauty, you will still be a bitch.
Next time you look in the mirror and aren't so sure of who you see, remember who you are and say : 'I would still be beautiful  if I wore rags.'

Blue Butterfly ...

When the flower  calls out to the butterfly....
Come let's play.
But how?
You are a butterfly who only flies across.
I want you to constantly fly to me.
Fly above,fly around, fly, just fly over me.
How do I fly my flower?
Oh butterfly, did you not learn the art of flying before coming out?
I only wanted to give you flying lessons but whilst I watched you fly over me, I learned that my little game of  fly over could turn on me.
In the eyes of the world you are a butterfly.
I don't care what the world calls you.
I only see a friend in butterfly.
I only see blue in a butterfly.

If they think because of who you are,
I should have you fly around at all cost....
I look beyond who you are in the eyes of the world.
It is who you are to me that makes me want to have you fly across my world.
Beautiful : a beautiful blue butterfly
Gentle: when are you going to ever get mad?
Intelligent: I like your ignorance when it comes to something outside your world.
Who you are in my eyes :  I can't explain. The day I do will be the day we probably say goodbye.
You make me happy and it's all that matters.
It does not matter who you are in the eyes of the world....
It is who you are to me, how you make me feel and the peace that comes with you as a person.
I don't care who they say you are in the eyes of others, I'll only see that when I'm unwell, I'm sure.
All I know is, you make me smile, you make me laugh,
you make me happy,
you make me....
I still  don't know what that means but it was not meant to turn out this way....
It was just  fly over lessons for butterfly.
Where are you?
Don't fly away.....
Come suck my nectar.
Where are you?
Come suck  on my sweetness.
Fly over me, across and around my world.
Where are you blue butterfly. ....

Photo Credit: Fb/ The Idealist

What's Your Excuse?

I remember  when we were  growing  up, my neighbor's dad was blind yet there was no single Sunday that he and his Dad would not attend church service. They were always early though they attended  a church  in the neighborhood. Each Sunday, he would hold his Dad's  hand and walk him  to church.

Unfortunately, my neighbor aged twenty at the time, died of sickle cell  anemia. His family was shattered  and you can imagine  how his Dad felt it should  have  been  him instead of his son. His Dad still went to church  on Sundays only this time, he was being  escorted by his daughter; Korlekie who was younger. Mr. Ocansey died a few years later. A family  of four, was now reduced to a family  of two.

Korlekie Ocansey, had qualified  as  a nurse and found a husband right after school. She also died exactly  a year after her wedding: a day after their wedding  anniversary. She had died whilst giving birth. The baby also died four days later. So in six  years, three members  of the family  had died.  Leaving  only their Mum behind. I can't imagine  how Mrs. Ocansey   must have felt losing everything  she had ever labored for on earth, I guess.

Two years on, I would have thought  Mrs. Ocansey would stop going to church after death  had stolen  her joy away, but no. No Sunday passes without you seeing Mrs. Ocansey   going to church. She's still an active  Pentecost  member, attending services  on weekdays  and Sundays. She has not quit her job neither has she moved houses or grown cold or hostile towards anyone. Not that I have heard of. I wouldn't  know what goes on in her house though. Or even in her bedroom. Only God knows what needless pain she bears.

Now tell me, what excuse do you have to give up on whatever  it is you are doing? Have you had your joy stolen? Have you tried something  in particular for so long and never succeeded? Or did you begin a particular journey  thinking  it would end well only to have to return  to the starting point? Thinking  nothing is worth trying again? Or perhaps you are even scared to attempt that particular  thing again for the fear of being scarred?

Today, after hearing the story of Mrs. Ocansey, you have absolutely  no excuse in life again. It can only be over when the whistle is blown for you to signify your race here on the field of life is over. If not, my dear friend, you have no excuse. You can only rise up and try again!

This is a true life story but the names have been  changed.

Lovely Darkness

Dark clouds....
Dark clouds lingering 
Tears streaking from the innermost part
A knife through my heart
Shadows  of you...
Footprints in the sand but invisible in the dark
Dark clouds of torment, pain and torture.
Still I stand unshaken,
Away from the uncertainties  and doubts of this place.
You fly  with  angels whilst I lay  reminiscing in  pain.
Darkness why...
You showed up clothed in beautiful  garments,
yet your garments  are that of pain and torture.
Darkness why....
Your icy grip.
Broken but not destroyed,
Caged but not  imprisoned
Clipped wings but not damaged,
Still I sail on,
I journey  on,
I war on,
like  the fighter I am.
Oh darkness,
Till I shall see this darkness no more....

Bring Me Flowers

'Bring me flowers
Beautiful flowers
Bring them whilst I can still admire them
Bring it whilst  I can still inhale it's  sweet  fragrance 
Bring me flowers  when I can still say thank you
Remember  to bring  me flowers.'

             ~Bring Me Flowers ~  PPG

The other day, I decided to ignore  one of my friends. She is one of those people  who sent you messages  whether you  replied  or not. Her messages  came through  as early  as 5 am in the mornings  and for me, that isn't  an appropriate  time to be texting people . Yes, that's  when my body is getting  ready to wake up by the sound of my alarm at 5. 10. What's   the   point, I  have  to rise up and get ready to leave home thus, I have  no time for replying  messages. It isn't  part of my rising hour routine.

Usually  I  would reply  later in the day either with a thank you or a comment  supporting the message. Lately, for five  or so months, I  have  become  annoying  as described  by most  people. I would  read and not respond or acknowledge  receipt. It was not deliberate  it's  just that life got really busy I could barely  indulge  in little  things. I even  prefer quick calls to texting but again  people  would  not understand. This has often been  mistaken for arrogance  or just deliberately  ignoring  people. I knew  I was going to  be losing friends in the end but believe  me,  I just did not  have   time. I began  to  understand  someone  who prior to this  time told me he only responded to the ones he thought  were important. I lost touch with  the  world, I  was just not reading anything  outside  my area of focus.

This morning, that same friend sent   a text and this  time, I  read it but ignored  her.  Then, I saw lots of messages  on a particular  page  I belonged to.  I noticed  the word 'condolences ran through  most of the  messages  ...' so I got curious and opened it. My friend  had lost her Dad this morning, same time she had been  texting her motivational  message  to me for the  day. People  on our   page were sending  in their messages  of condolences. Oh wow! Where did that leave me? What did that say about me?

I'm thinking, this is how we take  people : family  and friends  for granted. By not responding to them promptly , extending a helping  hand when we have  to or generally  just being  there for them. We are obviously  busy with our lives, trying  to  achieve  our goals and leaving  out the aspect  where we need  to  work  on most. Everyone needs someone. You do and I  do too.  Why wait to send flowers  after they aren't  here when  we can send flowers now. Sending  people  flowers  when they are dead, or sending  flowers  to their family isn't  bad but do we  really have  to wait till they are dead to send them flowers? When we can send them now?

Dear you, my prayers and thoughts  are with you.
My sincere  condolences xx

Photo Source : Google  photos.

When Darkness Comes...

'Dark clouds of torment, pain and torture
Still I stand unshaken 
Away from the uncertainties  and doubts of this place 
You fly  with  angels whilst I lay  reminiscing in  pain
Darkness why...
You showed up clothed in beautiful  garments,
yet your garments  are that of pain and torture.'

~Beautiful  Darkness PPG~

Pain can be defined as mental suffering or distress.  It can also be described  as a  highly unpleasant  physical sensation caused by illness or injury.

Pain is a part of life: everyone  at some point in life experiences  pain either caused  by illness, injury, the loss of a loved one, some unpleasant   circumstances  of life amongst others. I'm yet to meet or hear of anyone who has never experienced pain. I would love to hear their  story.

As human  beings,  at some point in our lives, we all experience our moment of pain. That period is difficult. It is a time when you may have a change in appearance, experience  more anxiety and less enjoyment, become depressed, anxious and unable to concentrate  on anything except that pain, interact with friends and family less, not enjoy affection or sex, feel like a burden on people who tend to take care of you in that moment of pain,  lose appetite and have your sleep interrupted by pain or not be able to sleep at all.

Just remember , every pain has an expiry date. When yours comes,  don't forget that it is not permanent.  Face the challenges of the moment, bear your grief gracefully. If only  you can constantly remind yourself that, what you are going through is just a phase. In your time of pain, remember  your God. The comforter of  the afflicted    who bore all our pain so we might hurt no more. Your pain can never last forever.

Sometimes, pain  is inevitable, at other times, pain can be avoided depending on the situation.  Whether dealing with the  loss of a loved one, a betrayal, a transition from grace to grass, rejection,  an injury or illness, trying times accompanied with pain. There are times when the pain will just not go away: for instance when someone you adore dies, the only way you would feel better will definitely  be to have the person come back to life. Obviously  that's  impossible but with time, you learn to live without the person. Quite painful but  gradually, it doesn't  hurt like before. It heals with time though  you cannot  forget them.

When the darkness comes and it hurts so bad, when you are overwhelmed and wondering if it will ever be okay. When the darkness seems to have lingered on forever and you are wondering  if the sun will ever shine again. Remember, it will not hurt forever.  Every pain has an expiry date. It only hurts for a while but it gets better. The sun will shine again, hold on! Just remember,  when it hurts so bad, it doesn't last forever. It won't  be forever.

Photo Source: Google  Photos 

Black Flowers -V

That's  how I  had  left his place  two or so hours  ago.
I was brought  back  to reality  at the  mention  of my name.
'Vesta Bilson.' I followed  the nurse  inside the doctor's  consulting  room and listened as the he held the x'ray results giving me an explanation  of my condition. I didn't  get anything  he said. Except : 
'An ordinary fall shouldn't have caused this much damage but you should be fine soon.'
What was he trying to say? That I was hiding something?  God knows I could not bear to tell this doctor the truth. It would open up a whole new chapter. I was not ready for any of that. I also did not want to lose Gad. My reputation  was also at stake here.  I had my hand put in a fiber  glass cast. Nancy  had arrived and I was grateful to have her around    as the procedure seem to hurt.

Once I  was  done, we went to get something  to eat. I had to eat with my left  hand which  was quite a struggle for me.
Nancy watched me in silence once we were done eating and went back to sit in her car so she could take me back  to  the house. 
'Were you with Nicholas?"
I nodded trying  hard not to let down the tear that was threatening   to   fall from my eyes.
'And he did this to you?'
There was a brief  moment  of silence. She must have seen the tears in my eyes, she pulled  me into an embrace  and I held on to  her for a while longer. When we finally  disengaged, she handed me a tissue  to wipe my tears and we drove in silence to the house. Nancy  sat with me for a few  minutes.
'Are you going  to  tell Gad?'
'Nancy , I   would love to tell him  at this point but I  don't  want to lose him. I don't  want to hurt him either. He doesn't  need  to know I cheated on him. For  Christ's sakes he deserves better. Please  let's  just leave  it this way. Gad doesn't  have to know.'

Nancy  was nodding  in agreement. 'Then make me a promise. Never  to see or talk  to  Nicholas  again.' My phone  began  to  ring. Nancy helped me get it out  of my  bag. She handed it to me but I didn't answer at all till the call ended. It began to ring again.
'Is it Gad? Let me speak with him.'
I shook my head to say no.
'Talk of the devil, ' I said.
Nicholas. What did he want?  We  just  stared at each other in silence .

'Never again.'
I whispered.
Nancy only nodded. The doorbell rang just then and we all sat up. Who could it be. I hope  it wasn't  Nicholas. We both stared at each  other and then back  at the door.

'What do you want?' I  screamed.
'Babes it's  me.'
My gaze fell just then. Oh God, I wasn't  ready for this. Nancy  stared at me for approval before getting  the door. It was past one in the  afternoon.
'Hi Ga-d.' 

'Hi Nancy.
How are you?'

' I'm fine.
Thanks for  asking .
How are you?'

'I'm okay, thanks.'

'Come in please  ....'

I looked up to see Gad smiling as he stepped   inside.
He walked  straight  up to me and pecked me on the left cheek. I got up to hug him and he ended up giving  me one of those hugs. I felt safe and that's  how it had always  felt hugging  him. He tried  to  disengage from the hug  but then I kept holding  on so he just held me in his arms. I was trying  so hard  not to cry. Seeing him made me feel  like a murderer.

'Guys I'm going  back to work.
See you later.'

Nancy 's voice  reminded  me that we were not alone.  I let go of Gad to sit on the couch before  we could  respond,  Nancy  was gone. I sat  on the  couch and Gad sat beside me holding  my left hand. He kissed  the back of  my palm, now I  felt like Judas  betraying Jesus, I   guess. Guilt washed  over  me. I didn't  know  where to start.

'I called  your  office  and  was told  you fell and had a fracture. I wanted to be sure you were okay."

Thank you office staff . You saved me. He believes  I fell. Can we just  leave  it that way.....I prayed silently.
'Where did it happen.?' The moment  I had  been   dreading. Was I seriously  thinking  he wouldn't  want details? Not my Gad.
'In the bathroom.
I slipped  and fell.'

'I'm sorry  to hear that'
He pulled  me into  an  embrace. Now I felt like  the cheapest  woman on planet  earth.
'It must hurt.'
I nodded in agreement.

'You'll  be fine soon.'  How on earth  could I have  this treasure and still keep  going back  to  my past. I obviously  didn't  cherish  what I  had or I was taking  what  I  had  for  granted. I didn't  want  to  lose Gad at this point. I didn't  want  to. It was this time  that I  realized  how  much I  loved Gad. Or did I   just wake up to reality?

The door  bell rang again.
Gad went to get it and brought  back a bouquet of beautiful  flowers.
He handed them to me. Gad must have ordered them and had them delivered to my place.  Okay, now I  actually  wanted  to disappear.......If he knew  what I had been  doing, he would send me black flowers,  instead  of these beautiful ones.

'They are beautiful .
Thank youuuuuu.'

I touched  them and inhaled the smell. Sweet....sweet....why was I choosing black flowers over these beautiful  ones? I just realized, I had made life difficult  for me. Holding  on to something  that hurt in the name  of addiction  instead of embracing the beautiful flowers that I   could have every day. It was time  to  stop looking  back at the black  flowers.

Photo  Credit : Women working.com

Thanks for  following  this story.
I'm afraid  I  can't  post anymore on here but will definitely  let you know how you can continue  reading.

Black Flowers IV

*****Warning**Mature Content*****

I owned my body; he didn't  own it; I owned me not him. If anyone deserved a piece of it, it was Gad.  The angel who had changed my perception  of love and had taught me in seven months that I   could be loved in every  way and not just for s**. It was my reason for not wanting  to go that mile with him. Yes, I   was coming  from a background  where I was made to think that s** was real love even when I  wasn't  being  treated well. Everything  began and ended with s**.  Every  other thing was  all abuse. Verbally, emotionally, physically   abused and the list was endless. 'God bless Gad.' I whispered, whilst  still struggling  with  the  monster.
'Stop fooling.'
He  slapped  me. The slap  only propelled me on to fight and not share my body: my beautiful  body as Gad liked to call it, with this sonofabitch.

The struggle continued. It became real and fierce  with each passing  second. Nicholas  must  have  gotten  impatient  with me.  Whilst  pinning  my hands with both hands onto the bed with him struggling  to kneel  between  my legs, I tried hard to kick him with both legs though  I was laying naked as by now he had stripped me of every physical  barrier  limiting his access to my body. I felt like  I  was being attacked  by a rapist and knew just then that I could not lose out in the strife.

'Stop fooling Vesta.'
Before I  knew it, Nicholas  was hitting  my right hand hard against  the bed. I froze. Once. Twice. Thrice. I kept screaming. I felt like  I   was going to die. He was hitting the bed with my hand like my hand was some stick or cane. By the third hit, I was in excruciating  pain and my tears were all over the place.
'Sorry .'
I kept on crying  as his naked body sat beside me on the bed looking on. 
'Sorry.'
What could  sorry  do now? I  could  not  move  my right hand.

I kept  crying  for God knows  how  long. Life was punishing  me for all my sins: for cheating  on  an innocent  man. Life was punishing me for still following  Nicholas  who obviously  did not like me, not one bit. Life was screaming  at me to wake up to reality and stop dining with the devil but life could have taught me this in another  way. Why did it have  to  be  on  this painful path? I thought  Nicholas would give up. Yet,  as soon as he realized  I had let my guard down, he jumped  on me and began afresh. Sucking on my boobs even in my distress like I owed him  s** whilst  I lay there just watching, never moving. As if that would make him stop. He obviously  did not need my involvement, no. I could go to hell laying stiff, he just needed to satisfy his craving. 

'You feel so good.'

I thought I was sick for following you but you must be more sick, I thought to myself  at the sound of his voice.  This was the only time I got complimented with Nicholas. At the peak of his pleasure, I was complimented for dishing it out well. Every other time, I was just some dull chick.  It just dawned on me how much I hated this dude. He went through  with every detail,  not minding the tears that fell down my cheeks  till he was through  satiating  his evil desires. He lay beside me and I   requested for a pain  reliever. It was all I  could do. I was such a fool. A fool for foolish things. A fool for a monster. Gad called my phone several  times  but I  ignored his calls. What would  I tell him?

I  got raped and now I  can't  move my hand? He would  still want  to come and get me. It hurt that I could  not answer  his calls.
'Why are your boobs sagging, whore?
Like that of a woman who has had ten kids ?'

I sighed.
The sonofabitch  was not through  with me yet.
He still ceased the opportunity to abuse me verbally.
He always  sought to do this once he was done getting  what he wanted.

'...got firmer boobs.'
Did he say someone  had firmer boobs? Did I hear that? Vesta the whore with sagging boobs! Was he seriously  comparing me to whoever?
That was when I almost lost it.

'Shut up you ingrate.' I yelled.
'You've had me for four years and just realized I have sagging boobs. Same sagging boobs that fed you. Same sagging boobs that you have played with for four years. Yes and you here, have been intimate with a whore, four long years. What does that make you?'

I still screamed but my arm reminded me that I   was drained.
Completely drained of all energy. This was not the time to prove my worth. This  was  the  time  to  walk on with the little  dignity I had. If I  had any at all. I had taken so much in one night. This should  not  get to me. I know me, I  do not have sagging  boobs but it hurt to have someone  I opened  my legs to for years call me names. It had always  been  this way yet I never learned. I still came back to this ****

  I began to cry and went back to laying down. Gad had never had access to my boobs the way Nicholas  did but he thought  they were firm and beautiful just from seeing them. I freaking  curse the day I   met you.  I must have slept off, to be awakened  by Nicholas  calling  me whore again. This  dude, I   curse the day I met you. You know I'm no whore. I was still naive when  you met me. You spoilt me in this way and made me your  slave.  Today, you call me whore. I curse the day I met you. I cursed secretly.

Forgive  me if you didn't  like  every bit of it.

Black Flowers -III

had  been  trying  so much  to move on until I met Gad who made me realize  how stupid  I was for still sticking with  Nicholas. It had been  seven  months of sunshine: he treated me like the lady I was. He spoilt me with so much attention  and love. Gad had never raised his voice  at me. Not in seven  months. I'm sure the day he did would  be the day he walked  out of my life. We had quarreled countless times but our quarrels  were settled  in  a way, in the end it felt  funny. After each fight we got even  closer but dude and I  had not gone past kissing.

I would be a liar to say I wasn't  attracted to him. He was too but I   made the rules and broke them if I wanted more kissing and cuddling. I only needed to tell Gad what I   wanted and Gad would be at my beck and call. So now what was wrong with me? Gad was the one who fed my emotions. He fed my every being. He made me happy. We weren't  sexually  involved  and with all the running  about I'd been  doing, I  felt so bad for denying him sex yet giving it willingly  to Nicholas. Nicholas   who saw me as nothing  but a mop to be used to clean his sexual cravings. It didn't  matter  where I  was, he just knew how to get it from me.

I needed deliverance  from this demonic opium. He was so not good for me: he treated me badly yet I still  shared my body with him. Why not Gad. Gad  deserved it.... I had known  him barely  a year  but would rather walk a mile with him than with Nicholas  whom I  had known for   four years. Rich: yeah he thought he was. Arrogant, notorious, self centered, didn't  respect women  not even  his own mother. What was I doing with him?

I snapped  out of my filthy desire for him and broke our kiss. I had told Nancy I was going to get ice-cream  so I  had my  yellow sling bag and Nicholas  had driven off because  he obviously  wanted to finish what he had started .
'Stop the car Nicholas.
I'm not ready to sleep with you.'

Silly me! What was I  doing sitting  in his car in the first place?

The music in his car was so loud as he made his way to his house.

'Why did you kiss me then?'

'Nicholas......?
Must every kiss end the way you want it?'

'Yes because  I  want you.'
Nicholas  had squeezed  one of my boobs with his other  hand whilst his other hand kept holding  onto the steering  wheel.

Nothing  I did would make him turn around. We finally  got to his place  and the bully ordered me out of his car. When I  refused, he left me in the car and went to let out his dogs. I'm sure the dogs knew there was a stranger around or maybe he had given them an order. They kept  encircling  the car and jumping. Nicholas  came to open the car door to peer at me. That  must have confirmed  their suspicions, it sent  them barking and trying to open  the  door till Nicholas  got back. At this point  I  had no choice  but to get inside the house. I didn't   want   to  get bitten by dogs. Nicholas  locked his his bedroom  door  once I got inside. He went away and came back after a while to finish  what  he had begun early on in the   car. Yes, I resisted with every breath. The more  I  resisted, the stronger he became.

I still resisted when he undressed me and forcibly tried to have his way with  me. Nicholas  must have mistaken my resistance  for foolishness.
'Stop fooling.'
He kept cautioning me. I still struggled with all of me. I resolved not to open  my legs to a monster like him. Not again! No not even  when  I  was  in his territory. I owned my body. He didn't  own it.  I chose who to share it with, it was not his decision  to make.





Photo Credit: Google  Photos.

Black Flowers -II

(Any explanation  would require  having  to  tell porkies. I needed to think through  carefully  before  attempting  one. I finally  got  to my apartment  and  thanked the driver before  making  my way  inside. I let the gate man help get out my keys as he wanted to know  what  had happened  to my hand.
'I slipped  and fell.'
'Sorry Ma'am.'
'Thank   you .'
Was all I   could  say. Once I   got inside, I  went straight  to my  room; to the bathroom. The struggle  to take  off the body con  I was wearing  began. I almost  cried, the pain  was unbearable. I finally  did  and struggled to take a shower. I struggled  to get dressed once I was done. I was starving but remembered  there wasn't  much I could do in my situation.

I  decided  to  suspend having breakfast. It was almost eight and my hand  needed medical attention. I picked a scarf from my closet and decided to use it to support my hand instead. I needed help to tie it around my neck to pass my right hand  through. In the end, I had to get assistance from my gateman. The poor old man just had to assist me; he helped me lock the front door and walked  me to the gate to find me a taxi since I  couldn't  drive. The drive to the hospital  was slow since it was still rush hour. Thankfully, I  arrived  and began the process to see a doctor. I was referred to an orthopedist.

Though it was my hand that  was hurting,  it felt  like it was my entire arm to my right shoulder. It gave me a sickly feeling. My phone  began  to  ring again. Gad won't  let me be. I didn't  pick up but went  on to read his texts. Boy! Dude was getting  worried  about  me but I  didn't  want  him  to  know  where I  was. I still decided  to  ignore  him till I could  come up with  reasons for my condition. I quickly  texted Nancy to ask her not to give Gad any details. She began to call right away.

'Vee.
You know the dude is going  to  be  worried  about  you.
What's  wrong  with  letting  him  know  you had a little  accident  and are getting  treated  at the  hospital?'

'No Nancy, please.'

'Wait a minute  Vee.
Are you sure it was a fall.'
?'

'Nancy.
The dude hit my hand against  the  bed several  times like my hand was a piece of wood.....'
I became  silent.

'Vee?
Are you okay?
Hello....?
Hello....?'

I mentally  slapped  myself for willingly giving out details I was trying  so hard to keep to myself. I said the words before  I  had the chance  to  think  about  it. My silence meant regret.

'I'm here...'
I managed  to say in a low voice .

'I'm sorry  Vee.
You mean Gad did that to you.
How's that  possible?'

'No!
Gad didn't  do that to me.
I haven't  seen Gad in three days.'

'So who did this to you?'

Nancy patiently waited for my response. I could feel the anger in her voice.

I offered  her no explanation  and just kept quiet.

'Vee.
Give me a few minutes, I'll get back  to  you.'

She didn't  wait  for  my response  before  cutting  the call.

Now I didn't  only feel shitty, I felt stupid for getting  into this mess.
He still called me whore after everything. I was such a fool. Why did I go there in the first place?

Nicholas  had called  me just like  he always  did. He claimed  he was in the  neighborhood  and wanted to see me. As usual, he could  not enter my house. Yes, he was such a toxic person that no one I meant the world  to  ever wanted to see him around  me. Our friendship  started and ended at my gate else, I  ended  up having  quarrels with  people  over him.
I had gone  to  see him. Nicholas  and I  were not friends  on an emotional  level. Our relationship  was so broken that what we had left was passion. We both seemed  addicted, no matter  what .  He ended up touching  me  and as usual the silly me jumped for him though   I had tried to keep away from him in months. I had been seeing Gad for the past seven months and  I   never  let him touch me the way Nicholas  did.

Gad was what I called my dream guy. Gad was  anything but the exact opposite of Nicholas.  Gentle, caring and respectful. I could doff my hat out to him, he adored the ground on which I walked.

Coffee kept me up all night...I ended up writing...I should drink more coffee☺

Photo Source : Google photos